It's one of those nights where my head is just spinning, and I feel like I need to get things out of it - unfortunately, I can't find the right words. It's just been a blah day and a lot of things are bothering me. I have a friend that apparently can't be my friend anymore, because of decisions that he made in the past that he now regrets. I guess the only way that he can feel better about what he feels guilty about now is to shut out anyone that knew him when he made what he considers bad decisions today. I was really careful with this person, because he's the type of person that likes to make you feel good by saying nice things to you - I wasn't sure if he was saying things sometimes because he meant them or just saying things that he thought I wanted to hear. Either way, I guess his underyling motive was to make the other person feel good about herself. I just never fully trusted this person or couldn't let myself fully trust this person, because I knew some of the things that he said were just purely to make the hearer happy. He's leaving a lot of people that did care about him as a friend in his wake - and that bothers me - not just for myself but for other people that I care about that he's hurting also.
I think I'm losing my touch on reading people, and I hate that I care - but I apparently do. Usually I can tell when someone is into me - but I was way off this weekend. There's a fine line between flirting with someone to let that person know you're interested and blatantly just stating it - I'm just not direct like that - I like when people can pick up clues and just go for it. People that take the "easy" route don't interest me anyway, so I don't know why it bothers me. Maybe I'm just annoyed that I wasn't appealing enough ;)
I sold a bunch of "samples" of my Black Phoenix Perfume Oils to make some extra money, since I won't start getting a check until my hourly billing goes through - and I clumsily spilled one when I was decanting out of it. Not only did I lose half of a $20 bottle of perfume oil - now I'm drowned in the scent of chocolate, black cherries, and musk :P I took a bath, and I still smell like this (hehe). I think I'm stuck this way for a few days.
A friend came back into my life again that had disappeared for a long time. I don't know what to do with these people that seem to want to come back around me when it's convenient or when that person needs me in some way again. He claims that things in his life were such that he just couldn't focus on anything except for resolving the problems in his life. Wouldn't you need someone to talk to during that time? Is he just going to disappear again when he doesn't need someone to make him feel cared about? How many chances do you give someone? My automatic inclination is always stubborness - I never used to give people more than one chance. And, then I decided to give people two chances. I think this is a pretty fair place to stand - I don't really think that many people are worth more than two chances - especially if they do the same type of thing both times. Some people, of course, like my family members - are worth a million chances. He wants to see me again, and this concerns me for two reasons - one, I know I won't put everything of myself back into the interaction because, duh, I'm just not going to be blindly happy and then have it all go away again - and two, if I do, it's obviously going to send a message that someone can do this to me over and over - and I'll just take it.
I have to be up at 7 a.m. - I'm not even supposed to be going in to work tomorrow - I can officially hate Mondays again. My mom did the above collage - it's awesome of course ;)
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