Oh my god, I just never get over how sexy the voices of 50 Cent and Petey Pablo are - I swear I could have an orgasm just listening to them (hehe) Of course, I'm always a sucker (no pun intended) for the geeky guys too - and the edgy (tattoos, piercings...hair standing straight up all messy-like) guys - yeah, giving up - I like all types of men. They have to have *something* though - a sexy grin, the ability to make me laugh - something that catches my attention. A few pretty words does nothing for me.
I'm going to a "back to school" party later in August. I can't decide whether to dress up like a school girl (I have before for Halloween) - or just get a slammin' dress (hehe) I could use the dress again which would be a plus. But, I have my eye on a short plaid skirt and a loose tie with a low-cut white button-up top - Decisions Decisions.
Almost all of my belongings are safely back where they were should be resting. I hope his heart is as empty as his walls are now. He tried to behave most of the time that I was there - because a friend and my roommate went with me - he started cracking at the end. First, I had a couple of movies that I had sent to his house directly from the shippers, because I wanted to reassure him that I was coming up there - and wanted to share things with him. I took both of these movies out (Matchstick Men and Shoot Em Up for the curious) - and he starts saying "I thought you bought those for me." Whatever - I had already told everyone in the car that would happen - so it was actually kind of funny in a way that he is so predictable. My sanity and heart are worth way more than two movies. Then, I came in and couldn't get the door to shut all the way (the inside door - the glass door was securely closed all the way) - the inner door has a broken handle and if you shut it all the way - it won't open from the outside so I was trying to be careful so I could keep going in and out. It bounced off the frame and before I had a chance to get it to close slightly, he started being rude about losing "air conditioning" (note: the glass door was closed tightly). My friend (who used to be his best friend, by the way) came in and left it wide open, and he didn't say *anything* to him.
Me: "Hmm...you'll complain to me about leaving the door open but not say anything when someone else does it."
Him: "[to friend] Could you please close the door, because it's letting cold air out [note before he even finishes the sentence that he just sighs and starts to get up and close it himself like two other adults are children and can't close the door]
It should also be noted here that my friend commented later - and he was correct - if he wouldn't have just sat there and not offered a hand - and then tried to be nice and talk to everyone that it would have gone much smoother. But, he was just sitting on the couch playing with his phone trying to look really busy like he has 300 other friends that need his attention.
Me: "If you start being aggressive or negative, I'm going to call the police, so that I can get the rest of my stuff."
Him: "Call the police, bitch" <===
OHmygod, yeah - his anger problem is under control - huh? Hehe.I thought he said that the next time he had an outburst or called someone a name that he would get psychological help. It's funny how things work out sometimes. If anything, he's just cemented that I made the appropriate decision. He couldn't even not call me a name in front of someone else.
Other comments made:
(1) Do you want me to delete you from my phone?
(2) Are you getting back with your ex now? And, then some comment about how that would be stupid.
(3) You can't even be nice and talk to me.
Just for the record, as I told him, why am I going to be nice? I'm not going to call him names or lash out at him, but I'm not going to sit there and put a fake smile on my face and play nice. I had already told my employer that I was leaving, my gastro doctor, my family doctor, my friends, my family - everyone - and had moved most of my stuff up there. Why should I play like everything is all happy with rainbows all over? That's crap. I told him that I was hurt and angry and wasn't going to be a fake person and pretend everything is ok - because it isn't.
I got home and 2 text messages were waiting for me (note that these are 15 minutes from one another - which is crazy because one is rude and one is more "positive" - almost like two different people sent them ::plays eerie music::)
Text #1: (any typos or misspellings NOT mine...hee) Good luck to you. you will always have a special place in my heart! Ill focus on all the good times.
Text #2: What should I do with the rest of ur shit burn it or do I have to deal with ur rudeness again.
(What? Fuck me. He called me a bitch...hehe)
I responded which I shouldn't because he just wants attention and is trying to get the last word in - that's how controlling he is and it's scary. And, yeah, I'm stubborn - one of my faults.
Text #1: You are the person that needs good luck perhaps it will come in the form of introspection and insight about urself and ur words and actions.
Text #2: I gave everything of myself that I had 2 offer my conscience is clear heart is bruised but will heal have plenty of strength left.
His responses:
Text #1: Good for u! Cause u r a duplicatious (hehe - it's duplicitous...geez) person. U say whatever it takes to get what u want. U did it to me, to "my friend", and even to "my ex" - U use and hurt peop
No kidding. That is so not me. I don't ever try to hurt people on purpose unless I'm on the defensive - everyone that knows me knows this simple truth. I think sometimes people project what they are doing or what they are onto others.
Text #2: le with ur actions. if that sits well on ur conscience then ur are worse person than I had ever imagined! Good bye
Text #3: Ok then be happy with ur life and lmove on! Leave me alone!
(it should be noted he texted me 4 hours after I left to come back to Little Rock - I did not contact him until after he contacted me!)
My response to his responses until he realized that he can't text as fast as I can (hee!):
Text #1: One day u will wake up and realize how many of ur true friends are gone I feel sorry for u
Text #2: Uh u initiated contact via text and threatened 2 burn my things u can txt all u want and will never win I won I'm safe and didn't say things I regret goodbye 2 u
Done. I'm done giving him attention. I was serious - my conscience is clear. He was verbally abusive - he has an anger problem - I asked him to get help, before I moved my pets and me up there - and he refused. End of story - He has a friend that he always says has anger issues, and he went with her a few months ago so that she could take MEDICATION for her depression and anger. It's just so ironic that he cannot see these qualities in himself. I asked for maybe two 45-minutes sessions with a therapist for a lifetime of happiness that I would try to provide (not to mention the best sex that I could give, the best holidays, the most love that I could share) - and it's just too hard for him to look inside of himself. I really do feel badly for him, but it's where he wants to be. He gives advice to other people all of the time about what to do in relationships and how to deal with people that have issues - but he won't take his advice upon himself. It's like dealing with an addict only his drug is anger, and you can't force an addict to get help until he or she is ready. I would have given him everything though; I really cared about him.
So, yesterday was awful and I was instructed upon medical advice that I could take a double dose of anxiety medication - I was so out of it! I came home and made a purchase that was $100.00 without even remembering - ohmygod, I asked my roommate to keep me off the computer because I've done this before when I used to have to take a lot of medication when my gallbladder was failing. Thank god that was the only thing I bought! The way home was awful, but my roommate was a trooper. I can't thank my friend and roommate enough for helping me get through yesterday; they both really came through for me. I almost had to be taken to an emergency room on the way home, because I had an IBS attack - I guess from all of the stress. My mom's seats (we had to take her car because mine is too small to fit my stuff) are heated - so my ex told me to lay the seat down and turn the heat on for the seat and lay on it stomach down - a make-shift heating pad - yay! Hee. It really did help, and I made it home. I'm so glad that it's a new day!
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