"You must not know about me...I could have another you in a minute."

It's one of those nights where my head is just spinning, and I feel like I need to get things out of it - unfortunately, I can't find the right words. It's just been a blah day and a lot of things are bothering me. I have a friend that apparently can't be my friend anymore, because of decisions that he made in the past that he now regrets. I guess the only way that he can feel better about what he feels guilty about now is to shut out anyone that knew him when he made what he considers bad decisions today. I was really careful with this person, because he's the type of person that likes to make you feel good by saying nice things to you - I wasn't sure if he was saying things sometimes because he meant them or just saying things that he thought I wanted to hear. Either way, I guess his underyling motive was to make the other person feel good about herself. I just never fully trusted this person or couldn't let myself fully trust this person, because I knew some of the things that he said were just purely to make the hearer happy. He's leaving a lot of people that did care about him as a friend in his wake - and that bothers me - not just for myself but for other people that I care about that he's hurting also.

I think I'm losing my touch on reading people, and I hate that I care - but I apparently do. Usually I can tell when someone is into me - but I was way off this weekend. There's a fine line between flirting with someone to let that person know you're interested and blatantly just stating it - I'm just not direct like that - I like when people can pick up clues and just go for it. People that take the "easy" route don't interest me anyway, so I don't know why it bothers me. Maybe I'm just annoyed that I wasn't appealing enough ;)

I sold a bunch of "samples" of my Black Phoenix Perfume Oils to make some extra money, since I won't start getting a check until my hourly billing goes through - and I clumsily spilled one when I was decanting out of it. Not only did I lose half of a $20 bottle of perfume oil - now I'm drowned in the scent of chocolate, black cherries, and musk :P I took a bath, and I still smell like this (hehe). I think I'm stuck this way for a few days.

A friend came back into my life again that had disappeared for a long time. I don't know what to do with these people that seem to want to come back around me when it's convenient or when that person needs me in some way again. He claims that things in his life were such that he just couldn't focus on anything except for resolving the problems in his life. Wouldn't you need someone to talk to during that time? Is he just going to disappear again when he doesn't need someone to make him feel cared about? How many chances do you give someone? My automatic inclination is always stubborness - I never used to give people more than one chance. And, then I decided to give people two chances. I think this is a pretty fair place to stand - I don't really think that many people are worth more than two chances - especially if they do the same type of thing both times. Some people, of course, like my family members - are worth a million chances. He wants to see me again, and this concerns me for two reasons - one, I know I won't put everything of myself back into the interaction because, duh, I'm just not going to be blindly happy and then have it all go away again - and two, if I do, it's obviously going to send a message that someone can do this to me over and over - and I'll just take it.

I have to be up at 7 a.m. - I'm not even supposed to be going in to work tomorrow - I can officially hate Mondays again. My mom did the above collage - it's awesome of course ;)

"Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside..."

I'm officially an attorney again - go me, huh? ;) It's weird, because I've been one for awhile but you don't *feel* like what you are unless you're employed or practicing every day. It's like an artist without paints. An attorney in Conway hired me to handle his overflow, and I get to use his Little Rock office which is basically empty to either build a general practice or a research practice. I haven't decided precisely what I want to do yet, but it's a whole new feeling to have options. I actually get to keep my house now for the time being. I'm still supposed to sell my car, but I already know what I'm getting in place of it - a Mitsubishi 3000 GT VR4 - I had two 3000 GT's - never a VR4 though - it's the turbo version - and the 3000 GT's were my favorite cars that I ever owned - I even liked them way better than my Supra - I'm just glad the Supra is worth something, because it was the last year it was made and you can't find them easily anymore. It's about 4 months from being paid off anyway - thank god. It's weird going from having nothing that I *had* to do to having so many things that I need to do, that I can barely keep everything in line. I'm building another website for one of my mom's artist friends also and was considering pursuing this as a source of extra income. It really does drive me nuts though - legal work drives me fun nuts - hehe :) I have my own office - and I've already hung some paintings - my mom held onto a large painting with blues and turquoises that is just stunning for me for when I got an office again. She also bought me a pottery piece that picks up the blues in the painting, so it's just starting to feel like me. I just don't feel comfortable being somewhere for hours upon hours without something pretty to look at.

My previous roommate is moving back in - he's crazy - but, yet, another source of income. He's changed somewhat over the years and is comfortable to talk to and be around. Of course, he still has some of the same faults - but, for night now, everything is ok. I went to a party with he and my other roommate on Saturday and we misjudged the gas level of my car and ran out right when we got there. I was freaking out. The idea of being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with my cell phone in/out of range with no gas and no way to go anywhere was not really appealing :P I kept telling them we were all going to be butt-raped (hehe - why yes, I'm awful...I already knew this...grin) A kind man that owned the house let us borrow some gas - so we were able to make it to the next town to fill back up. Of course, after I found this out - I ended up drinking too much b/c I was so shaken. I've *never* fallen asleep in my car before (no, I wasn't driving...I'm silly and goofy but not insane...heh) - but this time I did ;) I did have to stop sleeping (being passed out...hehe) when we got gas and go to the bathroom and the women's bathrooms inside the station were just locked - so weird - multiple stall bathrooms lock? I had to go to the men's restroom - yuck - but the aforementioned drinking made it an absolute emergency (hehe). The stall I was in read "fuck me hard" - if you're going to write something on private property - you may as well come up with something original for the love of God. Needless to say, I've just spun in circles mentally today - I can't concentrate on anything and am supposed to be asleep,so I can get up early and concentrate on things. It feels like the hamster in my head just stopping running on his little wheel - flopped over on his back and passed out (hehe). Dirty little hamster :P

My hair is red again...with strawberry blonde highlights...(content sigh). Speaking of shopping (yeah, I know we weren't...hehe), I found some soaps that are just so *nice* - go ahead, click me - you know you wanna ;) The website is Villainess and I have now in my greedy, but surprisingly supple hands...hehe:

Dulces en Fuego:

Distinguishing Features:Cracked black pepper and cinnamon sprinkled throughout.

Characteristic Scent:Musky bitter chocolate sweetened with vanilla and touches of citrus then positively inflamed with black pepper and nutmeg.

Gloop:

Distinguishing Features:Skin-softening marshmallow crushed throughout.

Characteristic Scent:Fluffed marshmallow fudge.

These are *amazing* - way cheaper than LUSH soaps - which I really don't just love anyway and more moisturizing. Most of the scents are pretty useable by males or females. My roommate wanted to steal the spiced chocolate one (hehe). It actually does have little pieces of pepper in it - and they exfoliate - these rock - I'll be getting more unfortunately ;) And, I smell like chocolate marshmallows now (grin). (See you thought I was going to type something naughty here...see how wrong you are....smile)