I have ran into so much selfishness this week that it's just unbelievable; I'm disappointed in humans in general - I hate to be disappointed in people.
I have taken care of an alcoholic - my best friend - for 8 out of 14 years that I've been in contact with him. He was take to the hospital this week for black-outs. The physician told me:
"I don't know how he lived through the night. He is going to die. No one can live like that. Does he have someone in his family who can go to court and foce him into rehab?"
I told the physician that his family was not comfortable with force-committing him - which is true - and I respect their decision. His blood alcohol was .40 - that is death for most people. He's going to die, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop it. I sent an e-mail to his "nicer sister" letting her know that he was in the hospital and how bad that he is getting:
Hi,
“X” is at Baptist again and is on a hold. His manager called me at 9:00 a.m. to tell me “X” that was having a "diabetic episode" and blacking out - he told me that “X” was just looking at him blankly and was confusing things and didn't remember employee names. They called an ambulance, and “X” refused to go with the EMT's. An employee drove “X" to the ER. “X’s” sugar is fine (167) - he was still inebriated from the night before. Despite 15 days sober during community service, he started drinking the evening that he got home - 2 days ago and hasn't stopped.
The physician offered in-hospital rehab to which “X” will refuse. He asked me if there were any family members that could get a court order, so that “X” would be forced to stay in rehab - and I let the physician know that I've already given that option to his family members. “X’s” alcohol level was .40 - the physician was shocked that “X” had lived through the night, and he stated: “X” is going to die. “X” cannot live at that level of alcohol - especially now that he was sober for 2 weeks and is trying to drink as much as he did prior to stopping - without building up a tolerance.
He is going to lose his job and his life. The doctor told me that they were going to hold him in the Baptist ER until he reaches the legal limit of blood alcohol and told me it could take up to 8 hours - saying that there were no reason for me to be there - after sitting there for 3 1/2 hours and listening to “X’s” normal belligerence and "I'm leaving - where are my shoes?" and so on - my Fibro and IBS are going crazy - I had to come home to rest - I'm still fighting a migraine from 4 days ago. A family member can sign him out early today against medical advice. I will not sign him out. To reiterate, I had nothing to do with this - I was called at home while I was by myself - “X” was at work so drunk that he was blacking out and could not stand up - he apparently was so out of it that they called an ambulance to come to “his work place.” I did not speak with “X” last night other than to ask him to stop coming into my bedroom and waking me up; I've had a migraine and had already taken migraine medication and just needed to sleep to get rid of it. I can't physically, financially, or emotionally take care of “X” any longer; I don't have anything left.
Sincerely,
Wendy
I received an e-mail from the “other sister” stating the following:
(1) I am just trying to focus everything on myself.
(2) She has Fibromyalgia, and it doesn’t affect her life that much - so it shouldn’t affect mine.
(3) I told the physician that “X’s family does not care about him” - this is how she interpreted the conversation betwen the physician and myself.
(4) I am the reason that “X” is drinking; if he gets away from me - he will be fine.
(5) I am full of lies and am trying to pull scams on her - I have absolutely no idea what this means. I haven’t even talked to this sister for over a year, and that was just to tell her that “X” was in the hospital before - I have no idea what type of “scams” that I could have tried to pull off.
I was just shocked; she’s attacked me like this before - but, I had blocked her e-mail address, so she used another one. Instead of focusing on what we can do to help “X” - she focused the entire e-mail on bad-mouthing me. Anyone that knows me - knows that I am not this type of person. She has a close relative that is a drug addict - I would think that she would know better than to blame the caregiver for the addiction - her relative is an addict, because he’s an addict - she didn’t force him to do drugs - just like I don’t force “X” to drink. That was the first blow.
The second blow. My migraine worsened, and it was soon accompanied by unbelievable nausea and up to 103 degree fevers. I cannot stop sweating and have no energy at all. “X” took me to the ER thankfully - I had asked him for 2 days to drive me, but I couldn’t find a time that he was sober, and my head was hurting too badly to drive. I caught him sober this morning. They decided with my fever and amount of head pain that a lumbar puncture would have to be done - this meant 3-4 hours flat on my back against my head (that was one of the areas that was hurting very badly - the back panel of my head). Thankfully, I was able to find my mom, brother, and sister in law. “X” told me that he was going to get some Burger King - they all were taking shifts, because I had to be there so long. I was stuck flat on my back on my head which was killing me, and we couldn’t get a nurse’s attention for pain medication until the 3 hours was up - not to mention ice chips or a room with a television (which they promised to move me to) - nor a pillow which was claimed after looking in one cabinet that a pillow couldn’t be found. I was in desperate pain at this point; the physician came in after 3.5 hours and indicated that I have some type of “unknown” virus and to go home and take Tylenol for the fevers - he ordered another injection of pain and nausea medication, so that I could sleep. “X” started being weird - grabbing all of my stuff and not understanding why they weren’t discharging me - it had only been 20 minutes and they were busy - I asked him over and over if I needed to check the car for alcohol when in reality I didn’t have the energy to check it. When I got home, I realized the puppy had made a huge mess everywhere - accidents and trash - and one of the litter boxes had been toppled - “X” told me to just go to bed - that he would get it. I woke up about 5 times in the next four hours - burning up and sweating - “X” kept going in and out of the house. I finally fell asleep until it was dark and woke up to the sound of someone falling over bottles - I heard “X” fall at least 3 times - I knew he was drunk. I called my brother and told him that I needed to check on “X,” since was obviously falling down drunk - but that I didn’t know if I could even get up - I finally checked on him and he is drunk - he also didn’t clean up anything that he promised to clean up. I am so shocked. I took a pill bottle out of my purse and realized that he had stolen $16 from me (he had stolen $20 two day’s ago) - when I’m really sick, I forget to hide my money. He stole money from me when I was in the hospital stuck on my back and in so much pain that I was crying out - he drank the second we got home and didn’t clean up anything or even fill up the pets’ water or food. My mom and I worked so hard cleaning the house last week - we cleaned the entire house and the outside area - it only has to be maintained - it takes about a half hour a day - and I was keeping up with it until the migraine hit. I am so disappointed.
One of my best friends that I thought would be the person I would most need to talk to right now - I’m really scared - I haven’t felt this badly since my gallbladder failed in terms of pain level and I’m not used to super high fevers - also disappointed me. He took something out on me because he was annoyed with something else - I could hear it in his voice that was getting more and more irritated, and I knew from past experiences - that I needed to exit the situation. For some reason, I’m super-fragile right now - being afraid that you’re going to die and still being sick and not knowing what is wrong will do that to you - and he was still more focused on him and how he is “fragile” right now. People have just lost it. If you have to see something to understand what someone is going through - that's a problem. I've never had cancer; I've never had to live with one limb - but I can understand the difficulties, the sadness, the pain - I don't need to see it to empathize with it. The third blow.
I understand the benefits of selfishness sometimes even though I think it’s more of self-preservation; I’ve known people that let others use them completely up - and they put their own life on hold - that needs a remedy - a bit of “selfishness” and taking care of one’s self. But, this lack of empathy - to not be able to put yourself in someone’s shoes about 6 hours in a hospital where two pain injections can’t take away the pain - and fevers/sweats/chills that won’t go away - and feeling so desperate because I’m up trying to feed dogs and fill water bowls and shaking and sweating - that is unreal to me. I hate when people that I really care about disappoint me.
The saving blow. Thank god for my mom, my brother, and sister-in-law - they were there the whole time and brought me a stuffed monkey, my mom got me a piece of make-up that I’ve wanted forever from Sephora and brought me cookies - most importantly, they all sat there and tried to make me laugh, tried to find nurses to get the pain under control, slipped me ice chips when they wouldn’t come in to tell me if I could have any for 2 and ½ hours - these are the people that love me, and it shows in every single action. I belive these are the moments in which people show their true core - how they really are - and my family is beautiful - all the way through. I don't know what I'd do without them.
