This hasn't been so great of a week. I haven't been feeling well again - my acid reflux is going crazy. I went to see my family doctor and basically, I just have to wait it out and see if it keeps improving post-surgery. I only feel bad 50% of the time now. The year and a half that I was sick - I felt bad 90% of the time. I'd like to get back to where I'm only feeling unwell about one time a week - *that* I could handle. Although, that's probably sad too - thus is life with IBS. I accepted that a long time ago - I just didn't know that acid reflux could get so bad that it can't be controlled with quadruple the acid prescription medicine that most people take, that it can put a constant lump that you can't swallow in your throat, and that it can't be controlled with a change in diet. I lost freaking 60+ pounds when I was sick - you would think that would alleviate it - I've heard that even gaining 5 pounds can increase your reflux if you're prone to problems - so, it should have done something. I'm frustrated - I hate when something is beating me - I like to win, with people, problems, games...anything. I'm not a good loser :P
My television won't turn on - my good, big flat-screen tv that I purchased when I had lots of money to waste on things - I have to have a tv. It's the only way that I can sleep at night. There was some type of power surge last night - it's even on a surge protector but obviously that did nothing. I woke up and the clocks were blinking on everything and the tv just flashes a red light when you try to turn it on and no picture. My roommate went to get his drill an hour ago (no pun intended...hehe) - I worry when someone takes electronics apart. I'm betting that I'm going to need a new tv. My mom said she may have an extra tiny one somewhere (my mom has like 6 tv's between 2 houses and an art studio...give me a break..it's like going from a 10 inch cock to a 2 inch cock, and yes I did type that b/c I'm pissy and I can :P )
My mom is really annoying me. She promised that she would help me make the small repairs to my house and finish painting the floors, etc - so that I can list it - and, I brought it up a few times - and she said she was planning to come over the next week and start helping me - that was 2 months ago. She knows I'm not making enough yet to pay the mortgage and my car payment plus the insane utilities - yet, she won't help me and she's not keeping her promise to help me get rid of this "money pit." I love my house, but it takes more resources than I'll have for awhile to maintain it. Everything is breaking all at one time - the refrigerator is making a funny noise and freezing things in the non-freezer area - the flat-top stove cracked (god knows how this happens?), the ceiling in my bathroom started leaking again from the condensation pan to the air conditioner thus ruining all the work that I did in there putting in a new ceiling and painting clouds on it damnit - it looked so neat (I've had the condensation pan fixed professionally 3 times but they won't guarantee that type of repair) - I'm going to quit listing things, b/c it's only making me more depressed.
I've billed at least 1000-1500 in the past few weeks, but the person that does the billing couldn't get to the invoicing until *last* week - I turned those hours in over a month ago. My mom is like this - "you need to concentrate on your job right now and just work at it." My mom has obviously mastered the art of denial, and I guess that's how she copes with things. How do you concentrate on your job full-time when you have to worry about your utilities being turned off - your car being taken away, your late house payments - she is just really making me mad. No one is that stupid - she's just turning a blind eye and not giving me a chance to get caught up. It is so hard to start over in your career after almost 2 years of illness. I just wonder how much one person can take sometimes. I wonder how much I can take sometimes. If I haven't reached my limit yet, I'm guessing I can take a pretty awful amount of things happening.
I had this weird urge to go visit my father's grave yesterday. Weird being that I'm not the type of person that believes that anything results in visiting a person's grave - other than the benefit that some people get to look at a symbol of a person's life. I just like to remember the person. It was an overwhelming force though, and I try to follow those type of instincts - so I put a yellow rose at my father's headstone and one on my grandmother's and grandfather's - they are all grouped together. My best friend-roommate received two calls last night from 2 of his 3 best friends (I'm the 3rd) - one had his father pass away yesterday and one had his mother pass away yesterday. It appears that death and despair have been predominant themes this week.
On the upside (you have to find some upsides - to keep your mood up), at least I smell good :P The women on the LUSH forums (LUSH is a awesome bath store that is in bigger cities...i.e. not in this crappy state) - and a bunch of the women there, since I was new to the products, just asked for shipping and sent me a ton of samples. The "Rock Star" soap is the most amazing thing I've ever smelled. I smell like I licked a lollipop and just rubbed it all over my body. If only I could eat myself...(hehe) (no pun intended, of course...grin)
By the way, the "Honey, I washed the Kids" soap is to die for too - it smells like honey and candy. Someone also sent me a chunk of a "Think Pink" bath bomb and ohmygod, it turned my bathwater into pink candy (laugh) I love pink 
If you can't improve your mood after taking a pink bath, I don't know what you can do (absent really amazing sex...hehe).
