Christmas is depressing. I'm starting the search for a full-time position the minute the holiday is over; the person I work for is just too busy even to hand me things - and I'm just not sure how to find my own clients - plus, the whole court-avoidance goal. This was just so perfect; he told me that he would try anything that I pulled in - now, if I could just figure out how to pull in clients. I want to write and research - I heard so many people at law school saying how they just wanted to do trial work - there must be a match out there somewhere for me.
I've been feeling kind of down, since there was a delay in my billable hours for some reason - and I need to order certain gifts now that I can only purchase online. Last year, my mom helped me and let me use her paypal account, so I could get the gifts early enough but her husband won't "allow" her to do that anymore. And, I'm a grown up - I should be self-sufficent right now. I still have so many days that I don't feel well; it's just getting to me lately.
I had an argument with the special person. It really concerned me until I put it into perspective. We've been together weeks at a time - we've had only 2 misunderstandings. So, 99.9% of the time has been just perfect. I'm not afraid of arguments or disagreements - I'm more afraid of the way that certain people deal with them - I'm not very good either - I'm usually the runner, the "you only get one chance" girl - I decided that I didn't want to be that person anymore a long time ago. I hope that he doesn't want to be that type of person; if he left and then changed his mind - I'm not sure he would ever admit that he thought later that he might have made a mistake. The number of amazingly good days has far surpassed any of the "squeamish" moments - I'm good with that. I hope he's ok with that, and that his opinion of me hasn't changed. He helped to make my birthday and Thanksgiving more special than he can know, and I thank him for that. (Why what did I do on my birthday night you ask? Hehe...what a *good* good question....grin)
It's funny how silly encounters can help uplift your mood; I went to Subway at dinnertime b/c I hadn't eaten all day and there were two guys in there and they teased me the whole time they were taking my order. I wanted to try the new Subway sandwich with the pepperoni and everything on it - so they were telling me how I wanted the sandwich with all of the meat :o Then, they teased me about it being a foot-long. When I told him that I didn't want it toasted, he told me that "I didn't like it too dark" (hehe) The worst was when I had to ask for black olives on it - good lord :o That provoked the "Are you married?" question among others (hehe) They were very silly ;) I couldn't help but smile - how can you resist perverted sandwich jokes? :D
My Christmas list:
Yo Santa:
Mixed year this time – still a mess financially – but what else is new? Maybe you could throw some good luck my way – the lumps of coal are starting to hurt like hell. Other areas of my life have ended up well – I have new special people in my life – both friend-wise and relationship-wise - and for this, I am eternally grateful. I’ve tried to be a good person; I’ve screwed up maybe one or two times – the devil just gets into me – especially when I feel that someone deserves it – but for the most part, all gold stars for me :D I feel silly making a list when I have more fun picking out gifts for other people, but then, the financial situation is giving me nightmares – I’m determined to make sure that everyone has something special from me. I know it’s material, and it shouldn’t matter – but it matters to *me.* Here we go:
(1) Tarte “We wish you wealth” make-up palette (www.amazon.com – really at Sephora though – my wishlist at Amazon is under wendyrhill@hotmail.com )
(2) Urban Decay shadow Box (see above for location…hehe)
(3) Fun belly rings! (mine are started to rust, fall apart, and Buddy knocked a bunch of them on the floor to be mean, so I lost a lot of them)
(4) Fun nailpolish colors! (Black Phoenix Trading Post has some that I adore – and Nicole brand has some that I adore – love dark spooky colors for toes and lighter sparkly or shimmery colors for fingers)
(5) Emergency Road Kit for car – or maybe one of those membership cards where they come tow your car or change your tire – something so I’m safer on the road when I don’t carry a lot of money with me.
(6) Volatile shoes in size 10 (my favorite pair has finally worn out – they are here: http://www.heelandsoleshoes.com/browser/63/94/product/ECM89C02CD91129688281-5... (called Santia in Black) – I really need shoes though and there are tons of styles! I need some closed-toe shoes for winter – since these were the only closed-toe Volatile shoes that I have – you can’t go wrong with a surprise pair! Hehe) I’m a shoe-whore – this, I know (ashamed look)
(7) Lush stuff! (In particular, I would love a large Snow Fairy shower gel – it only comes out at Christmas – and I am totally out of bubble bars!) www.lush.com (wishlist if you need particulars but I’d love anything: http://voyeurwithwings.livejournal.com/832.html )
(8) Torrid gift certificate :D (www.torrid.com) Or, almost any Torrid dress in size 24 or 4 (you can find good deals sometimes on ebay – the cute/trendy ones for going out to clubs, etc!) Bobby is awesome on eeebbbbaayyyy 
(9) Villainess smooches! (from www.soapboxcompany.com or www.villainess.net ) I want the Hoarfrost (h-o-a-r, ahem) smooch really badly (grin)
(10) “The Studio Head” perfume oil (no alcohol version) from www.starringfragrances.com .
(11) Ohmygod, I almost forgot the most wanted thing: Black Phoenix locket!! (www.blackphoenixtradingpost.com ) I love all of them, but I love Salome the most – however – they are all to-die-for so you can’t possibly disappoint
(12) Hand-made or hand-painted or hand-sculpted or hand-written gifts! I love personal things made for me – it’s the time that counts most of all 
Thanks for reading – keep your reindeers’ clean – they have to ride with their noses in the asses of the others (hehe) and be careful with the cookies so you don’t toss them (hehe). Yes, I’m done with the awful puns now – do I get on the naughty list for these?
Merry Christmas!
Wendy
