I wish:
(1) That my stomach could feel normal for one week - or even a day - and that I could eat anything I wanted for just that day - no heating pads, no pain pills, no advil, no medications an hour before I eat - nothing - just be a normal person.
(2) That someone would give something up or make a "grand gesture" for me just once - a romantic, unbelievable, movie-moment sacrifice - to make us both happy - choosing to relocate to be with me, admitting his feelings even though he doesn't know how to express them, getting help for a problem that would keep a person from being safe around them - just something. I'm tired of being the one that has to give up everything. I'm sick of being the person that has to be accomodating of another's behavior, words, or actions within another's initial or complete control.
(3) That I get a swimming pool as I had planned one day.
(4) That I get to find at least a part of the "former me" one day and keep her around.
(5) That my ex-boyfriend could choose to be sober.
(6) That my mom would understand what it's like to be me sometimes. I actually wish that just one person in the world understood me or cared enough to learn how to - I always find people to be enigmas - I like to learn how they work, what they think, and figure out who they are - it's exciting to me.
(7) That I get treated to or invited to a small picnic one day - an open field - 2 people, a blanket, food optional...(hehe)
(8) That I could feel what it's like to be one of "the beautiful people" for one day - where you can't even walk by someone without that person turning around and not knowing why. I'd love to know what it feels like to have that charisma, that "special something" - that certain people have and no one can explain but draws people closer.
(9) That I had a better singing voice.
(10) That I had a body made for professional dancing.
(11) That I could order as many bath and body products, tarts, perfume oils, dresses, make-up as I could and wanted in a 24-hour space of time.
(12) That I had told someone in my past before he got married that I loved him even though it wouldn't have mattered in terms of where he or I ended up.
(13) That I could get my lost kitties back - Brownie, Spot, Baby Kitty, Kismet, Slash, Little Guy, Tang, and Flooz. Little Guy died two months ago of Saddle Thrombus - he just threw a clot and lost use of both of his back legs - I thought he had fallen and broke or injured a leg. Two hours later, he was euthanized - he had a heart defect that couldn't be repaired which had led to the throwing of the clot that was blocking blood flow to his legs. I have lost so many kitties the past two years.
(14) That I wasn't so shy in front of groups of people. I wish I could stand in front of a group of people and speak confidentally and knowledgeably.
(15) That I don't lose anything else - I've lost so much lately - even for just a year, I'd like to keep all that I have around me - people, pets, and belongings.
(16) That just one of the people in my past that treated me poorly or did something obviously wrong would come back and admit it and take responsbility for it.
(17) That people didn't lie so much - or think that they are so good at it that people don't know it. Just because someone doesn't call a person on a lie or bring it to light, doesn't mean that she doesn't know or didn't know what was going on the entire time - everyone has a filter inside - sometimes they don't want to speak about something aloud either - because that makes it real.
(18) That a few of my wishes would come true.
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