My mom did the above picture as a portrait of me for Christmas two years ago. It made me cry to learn how she sees me. I don't even see myself like that. Art is amazing - it can speak volumes and make a more intense statement sometimes than even words can acheive.
I read something the other day about how you love the ones more that you never really get to know - never really interact with - those will be the loves that you don't ever forget. This keeps popping into my brain. Once you get into a relationship with someone, things change. Words are said that can't be forgotten. Lies are sometimes told. Actions are taken that are hard to forgive. Things just happen. Your love changes. It may deepen, because you grow closer to the person. But, it never stays the same as that feeling that you had in the beginning - where you just can't shake that person from your head no matter how hard you try. I guess another reason that the unrequited love lasts forever is just the fact that it is unrequited. You never get to test it - see where it will go - see if it was felt in return and know to the degree that it was felt. It just lingers in your mind forever and creeps back into your thoughts when you least expect it.
I've been lied to or have had people try to deceive me a lot lately. Some of them coming from 2 people that I care about and some coming from 1 person that I don't really care so much about. I get tired of people lying. I get tired of watching for signals and remembering what someone says so I can compare it to what he says later. It's exhausting. It's hard to detect liars from the beginning. Who is going to admit that he/she is a liar? If he/she is a liar, he/she is just going to lie about the fact.
I was going to have fun and have my hair done differently and have the underneath colored a deep brunette and then the outer layer colored a medium red - but I had a job interview, so I had to go with conversative. I just got a mixture of blonde and red highlights around my face and left the remainder the deep brunette color. I'm letting it grow out again - it either has to be shorter than I have the courage to cut it for me to like it or long - I don't like the medium length.
I've gotten a couple of good pefumes out of the oils and other ingredients and accessories that I purchased. It's really interesting actually learning about the different notes - and how to test the oils together before you make the perfume to make sure you like the combination and which oil is dominant. You just cut paper strips and dip them into the oils you want to mix and hold them together and smell to see if you like. You hold the oil that you want for the most dominant note higher than the others and the middle note next a little further down and so on - it's really interesting actually. My favorite is a mixture of lime, white chocolate, sandalwood, and frosted snowdrops. Who knew it was so easy to make your perfume/perfume oils for your own use? My brother really liked another that I made for him which is a mixture of cinnamon, a drop of cherry, dragon's blood, and clove. I'm such a make-up and pefume junkie :P They need a cosmetics anonymous group (grin) I'm not even admitting how many boxes of make-up that I have. No, not even if you try to arouse it out of me (hehe).
I had an interview for a securities job where I would put together financial packages for customers and sell annuities, life insurance, etc. I'm not sure if I could do this - I don't have any sales experience. It's only the selling part that I'm concerned about. The talking to the clients and figuring out what they need and then matching financial options to their needs wouldn't really be a problem once I was trained - I don't believe. My mother always jokes around and tells me that I can sell anyone anything - b/c I can always talk her , other family members, and friends into anything. Yeah yeah - I know this is totally different - they know me and trust me. People who meet me seem to trust me though - I'm just not sure how approachable I am and this is the part that gives me pause. I've never gotten to use the "non-professional," playful, giggly part of myself to do professional things. It would definitely be interesting, but I wouldn't get to do any truly "legal" work - which I would miss terribly. Life has to get easier some day. Or, maybe since my life was "easier" earlier in my life - that was the easy part of my life.
I have another gallbladder test at 7:20 a.m. on Tuesday. If my gallbladder has worsened, then I might finally have an answer to all of my stomach problems. The test is awful. It's a HIDA scan, and you have to lay still for 2 hours while they scan your gallbladder to watch how it empties and contracts - the bad part comes when they inject the medicine to force your gallbladder to do its thing. That made my stomach cramp so badly last time. The only thing they had for me to watch were Andy Griffith dvds. I hate Andy Griffith :P Eh, putting myself out of this misery and ending this now - I think I'm boring myself.
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