"Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?"

I’m just super anxious tonight; I guess I have too many things spinning around in my head – so I just can’t focus on anything that I need to be doing. I have to file a response to a motion to dismiss filed against an action that I filed – and it’s just going to be hours of work. I’m having a hard time working on things that are politically generated – it just seems like it doesn’t matter what I do – that I just can’t win. I don’t even want to get started on it, because it just makes me angry. I need to find an area of law that I am more comfortable in – like writing contracts, leases – b/c the whole filing legal actions as a result of political issues – is just not working for me. Everyone knows everyone and all these people are against you. I got really upset when I first read through the Motion to dismiss – b/c I start getting concerned that I did something wrong – it’s just always your gut reaction. I was with my mom at the time, and she just started being totally irrational. She was like – I’m going to go ahead and take you home – why don’t I just take you home – I get upset about things all the time – I don’t understand why this one day she acted like she couldn’t be around me b/c I was upset? It made no sense. I always get upset for a second, talk about it for a few minutes, and then let it go to deal with it later. She also made a really strange comment to me that deeply hurt my feelings, and I can’t get it out of my mind. My mom started having anxiety issues when I was sick for a year and a half and her husband basically told her that she wasn’t “allowed” to help me even when I was practically home and bed confined (the person driving me to my family dr had to turn around twice and I missed 2 appointments b/c the nausea was so intense when I would sit in a moving car) – eventually, ok, you have gallbladder disease and it’s failing fast so let’s get it out of your body. And, now I have hardly any problems other than the stomach problems I had before my gallbladder started failing. We always go out and shop on Fridays – that’s our “hang out together” day – we just do errands and have lunch – never anything stressful. She made some type of comment that she had to take a Xanax before she went out with me that day – I just got really quiet – I don’t understand that at all. We never do anything stressful on Fridays – it’s always just a silly day with no schedule. We laugh, try on clothes, eat Chinese food – nothing stressful. I have thought about this all weekend, and I think she knows that she isn’t helping me with my house (repairing it – getting it ready to sell like she promised) and she can’t help me make payments b/c her husband won’t allow her to with her own money – so, I’ve decided that her problem with me is b/c if I’m with her – she has to think about how she isn’t helping me until I can get back on my feet. I don’t even ASK her for anything – ever – when we’re out together. She knows my house payments are so behind that they won’t take 1 or 2 payments even when I *finally* do get my first 3 paychecks – which, for the love of God, I should have already received. I’m just trying to let this go – I don’t think this has anything to do with something I directly did – I think it’s a result of her own indecision or decisions.

I thought about it the other day, and it really annoys me how “who you know” has become so important in this world in every aspect of our lives. So many people have easier lives because they know the *right* people. This has affected every part of my life. Essentially, some people are punished for “being shy” and not “making connections.” When a lot of the attorneys in the firm that I was in choose to resign like I did, they had jobs immediately – even one of the ones that wasn’t a very good attorney – they just had friends they knew to call, and bingo, automatic job – while I spent a year and a half looking for another full-time job – and then ended up with my gallbladder disease occurring right after that. In law school, all of the “popular” people would get together and share outlines that had been used for years and were sure winners to know what types of questions would be asked on certain exams. The “popular” people would get together and make outlines and share notes for days that people missed. If I missed a day of class, I just missed that day and didn’t have any notes for that day – I had a whole question based on a missed day of class one time on an exam. In the Black Phoenix forums, this issue was brought up because the “rare” perfumes that have been discontinued are very difficult to find and so many people just want to smell them. One girl was talking about how she contacted a girl who was swapping one of these rare perfumes but that the other girl swapped with a “friend” instead who asked secondly because she knew her – it even affects your hobbies. This happens to me all of the time on the forums too – people just ignore my “in search of” posts. The most sought after perfumes are the ones sold at “Convergence” which is a big trade type show that is always held in a city far away from Arkansas. People that know people have other people go over and purchase perfumes for the at the event, and then they bring them back and practically hold them for ransom for rare perfumes that were sold prior years at Convergence – it’s just a big “who you know” circle. You can *only* get these perfumes at this event, and these are the ones that people that don’t know anyone never really get a chance to try. It just frustrates me. A girl started a forum discussion, and I commented and agreed with her – letting her know that it feels just like high school all over again – and 2 girls are going to send me testers of 2 of the rare perfumes that have been on my “wishlist” for two years. I’m always super nice to new people to Black Phoenix – and I send them “testers” (which is a sample vial of perfume filled maybe ¼ of the way up – just to test) of the rare ones that I do have – like Snow White 2004 and Treat #2 (the one Convergence bottle that I do own but had to pay dearly for). It’s nice to have it come back to you – but the circle is still going to continue. You just can’t force yourself to be outgoing – and I don’t know if I want to be outgoing just to get things or know the right people. The whole cycle just sickens me anyway.

I did another perfume box, and it’s listed on ebay currently. My mom sculpted the mermaid, and I painted the mermaid and box and adorned the box. I had fun doing this one – I keep trying to practice sculpting – but I am really *bad* at it. I know my mom doesn’t have time to do them for me over and over again – which does suck b/c I’ve already sold one box and hopefully this one will sell – I have a million more ideas.

"I got a mind full of wicked designs...I've got a non-stop hole in my head imagination..."

I made a fairy box to put the small Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfume bottles in – my mom sculpted the fairy for me, and then I painted her and adorned her and painted the box – you never realize how many sides there are to a box until you have to paint each side – hehe. The top of the box is covered in Epoxy – so it’s really shiny. I already have a bid of $30.00 on it – hoping it will go up a little more. I’m going to do a three dimensional mermaid box next where her tail will look like it’s coming out of the box too – I’m excited J The ammo holders hold the "imps" which are the sample sizes. The bottles on the outside of the ammo containers, are the full-sized 5ml bottles of perfume oil. Yes, I'm an addict - leave me alone :P Sex and flirting as hobbies get me in more trouble - hehe.

Refrigerator is still dead. I’m holding a ceremony for it next week :P The large deep freeze that was in the garage was pulled out of the garage and cleaned out and plugged in – and, I don’t even have to tell you, that it won’t work for some reason. My roommates work at a restaurant, so they bring home food – which is really nice – but it’s restaurant food and it’s greasy and fatty and it makes me sick. I’m sick of eating pop-tarts :D

The gas was turned off – I was at work and my roommate called me too late – and they added $50 for the shut-off and a deposit of $150 since the bill was so late – thus, I can’t get it turned back on yet (it’s almost $700 now – good lord). I’ve only gotten one of my three checks coming – and, of course, I got the smallest one first :P The other two are enough to make a house payment and get my gas turned back on. How ironic is it that I have a closet full of bath products – creams, scrubs, bath bombs – years worth of bath yummies – and I can’t really appreciate any of them right now. I’m pretty much annoyed with everyone right now – my roommate that has lived with me for years and years – both as my boyfriend and as my ex – didn’t have a job for about a year when I was sick – so, it’s not wholly my fault that things have gotten this bad. There was nothing I could do last year. He’s acting like he’s worked for years now, and it’s only been about 8 days. It’s just pissing me off. I was horribly sick, and I still got a job before he did. I don’t know why I choose the wrong people to help or be nice to – I don’t know how to distinguish between the people that I should be nice to and the people that I shouldn’t. I obviously choose wrongly. I actually just try to help anyone that I can, but people never feel that same pull toward me. Hardly anyone ever wants to help me – it’s really odd. I must not seem deserving enough ;) I never ask for help, but when I do – toward the people I consider friends or even people that live with me, it just doesn’t get through. It doesn’t mean anything to them. It scares me that some people seem not to have a conscious. I don’t know how people that I have known for so long can be so uncaring. Alas, you can’t just go out and find someone to care about you and what happens to you overnight.

My court date on my ticket turned out how I expected. The “no insurance” citation was dropped, because I wasn’t even driving the car, only the owner or operator of a car with no insurance or no proof thereof, can be issued a citation. But, the other ticket, the expired tags fine stuck, because the statute reads that even if an owner isn’t driving the vehicle but “knowingly” allows someone to drive his/her car w/out current registration – it’s still a violation of the statute. It turned a $400 ticket into a $200 ticket, so it was worth sitting in court for SIX hours, I suppose. Someone really didn’t want to go to jail – he took off and what a ridiculously stupid place to run – all of 10+ police officers chased and tackled him with clubs drawn – hehe. What a dumbass :P The officer that gave me my tickets was present in court for no less than TEN disputed tickets. He kept going up over and over. He obviously had an attitude problem; a lot of them were thrown out. For example, he gave a man a ticket for “following too closely” – but the man explained that the person in front of him drastically slowed down w/out brake lights – just let off the gas on the expressway – that one was thrown out. When another case was being heard, this man disputed a ticket b/c he claimed that the same police officer that gave him a ticket for a busted headlight a week prior followed his “customized” (thus easily recognizable) car for a half and hour before pulling him over again for some other “violation” and said when he walked up to the car: “hey, you’re the guy fighting my ticket in court.” The person given the citations believed he was being profiled, and my officer, the one on my ticket, laughed *audibly* and snorted – in the courtroom by the Judge – that was the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever seen. This ticket was thrown out too.

Why is playing cards in a group suddenly just a male activity? I can’t play cards with ANYONE that plays cards in a group in my family, because apparently it’s a male thing. I *love* to play Spades – I get sick of playing online – would love to compete more in a group. I rule at Spades, damnit :P I was getting better at Texas Hold ‘Em too, but I got bored with it – b/c I don’t have anywhere/anyone to play with in person. Games are fun online, but they just aren’t the same – in terms of social quality (and being able to goad people when you’re winning…joking grin)

"Would you save my soul tonight?"

I've decided that all of my electronics and appliances have banded together and are staging some type of revolt. My mom replaced my tv; my refrigerator died 2 days ago. You don't realize how much you use a refrigerator until you don't have one (hehe). Needless to say, my roommate didn't really make it clear that it was going off/on and gave us both
"mild" (only mild in the sense that I made it sick for 2 days w/out having to go to the hospital...laugh) food poisoning - so I was "not able to move sick" for a few days. It's been big fun :D I swear I'm only eating food from not in this house until I get a new one or it's repaired :P

This week is going to be awful in the first half. I have to file a pleading in a case that isn't "typical," and the man that I work for is in the hospital, so I can't really bother him (nor would I consider it) - to ask a few questions. The questions I need answered are not things that I can just look up or I would have no problem :P I have to have it filed by Wednesday. (Yes, I'm procrastinating...leave me alone :P )

Wednesday also happens to be my court date at freaking 8:00 a.m. for my no proof of insurance/expired tags ticket that I was issued when I was sick. I wasn't *driving* the car; the statute clearly states that only the "operator" of the car can be issued the citation. Further, I found a case that clearly indicates that the purpose of the statute was to punish someone driving a car w/out insurance or current tags. The case went on to state that is it not illegal to just own a car with expired tags or without insurance. I hope the police officer just doesn't show up :P He just chose who he wanted to give the ticket to - that's just crap and it makes me mad which is why I asked for a court date and forewent probation. He gave me the ticket on Thanksgiving which just happened to be my birthday too - do I have bad luck or what? (hehe)

My order from Black Phoenix *finally* is being shipped this week. Everyone else that ordered around the same time that I did already received their orders, but they ran out of an ingredient for one of the perfumes that I ordered - so everything was held up. I'm waiting on these bottles (grin):

MONSTER BAIT: TOKYO STOMP
Beckons all giant creatures from gargantuan reptiles and humongous moths! These babies are sure to crush everything from dollhouses to shopping malls! Can even be used to summon colossal robots in a pinch! A sweet and crisp vanilla mint!

MONSTER BAIT: VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY
Menacing, maniacal, and slick with the one-liners … this guy does it all with a wink and a smile! Savage apricot, depraved dry woods, and psychopathic patchouli covered by a disarmingly sweet mishmosh of caramel, brown sugar, hazelnut, and butterscotch. Be warned: this oil will instigate possession in most puppets, including some marionettes and the occasional finger puppet.

And last, but not least… a ghoulish lure that is Perfect for your next gathering!

MONSTER BAIT: BLOODY MARY
Why waste time chanting her name in the mirror 13 times? Bedevil your next slumber party the easy way! Chunky, glistening red fruits with sweet cream accord, black clotted cherry, and powdered sugar!

(Yeah yeah - you know which one I'm waiting for - the cherries and sugar! hehe) I should have just ordered 3 bottles of that one :D I've heard that a lot of people were disappointed b/c the Ventriloquist Dummy perfume doesn't have enough "woodiness" in it - or was it too much wood? (Can you have too much wood? :O Hehe). I forget - but that's the one most people are selling when they receive it :P

I came to the conclusion tonight that it's been a freaking long time since I've had amazing - can't quit smiling the next day and/or can barely move the next day sex - or a conversation that is so entertaining that the hours/minutes just fly by - odd. I've never noticed either of these things missing before, so it must not be usual :D Must fix these things...(laugh)

"Life's like an hourglass...glued to the table"

This hasn't been so great of a week. I haven't been feeling well again - my acid reflux is going crazy. I went to see my family doctor and basically, I just have to wait it out and see if it keeps improving post-surgery. I only feel bad 50% of the time now. The year and a half that I was sick - I felt bad 90% of the time. I'd like to get back to where I'm only feeling unwell about one time a week - *that* I could handle. Although, that's probably sad too - thus is life with IBS. I accepted that a long time ago - I just didn't know that acid reflux could get so bad that it can't be controlled with quadruple the acid prescription medicine that most people take, that it can put a constant lump that you can't swallow in your throat, and that it can't be controlled with a change in diet. I lost freaking 60+ pounds when I was sick - you would think that would alleviate it - I've heard that even gaining 5 pounds can increase your reflux if you're prone to problems - so, it should have done something. I'm frustrated - I hate when something is beating me - I like to win, with people, problems, games...anything. I'm not a good loser :P

My television won't turn on - my good, big flat-screen tv that I purchased when I had lots of money to waste on things - I have to have a tv. It's the only way that I can sleep at night. There was some type of power surge last night - it's even on a surge protector but obviously that did nothing. I woke up and the clocks were blinking on everything and the tv just flashes a red light when you try to turn it on and no picture. My roommate went to get his drill an hour ago (no pun intended...hehe) - I worry when someone takes electronics apart. I'm betting that I'm going to need a new tv. My mom said she may have an extra tiny one somewhere (my mom has like 6 tv's between 2 houses and an art studio...give me a break..it's like going from a 10 inch cock to a 2 inch cock, and yes I did type that b/c I'm pissy and I can :P )

My mom is really annoying me. She promised that she would help me make the small repairs to my house and finish painting the floors, etc - so that I can list it - and, I brought it up a few times - and she said she was planning to come over the next week and start helping me - that was 2 months ago. She knows I'm not making enough yet to pay the mortgage and my car payment plus the insane utilities - yet, she won't help me and she's not keeping her promise to help me get rid of this "money pit." I love my house, but it takes more resources than I'll have for awhile to maintain it. Everything is breaking all at one time - the refrigerator is making a funny noise and freezing things in the non-freezer area - the flat-top stove cracked (god knows how this happens?), the ceiling in my bathroom started leaking again from the condensation pan to the air conditioner thus ruining all the work that I did in there putting in a new ceiling and painting clouds on it damnit - it looked so neat (I've had the condensation pan fixed professionally 3 times but they won't guarantee that type of repair) - I'm going to quit listing things, b/c it's only making me more depressed.

I've billed at least 1000-1500 in the past few weeks, but the person that does the billing couldn't get to the invoicing until *last* week - I turned those hours in over a month ago. My mom is like this - "you need to concentrate on your job right now and just work at it." My mom has obviously mastered the art of denial, and I guess that's how she copes with things. How do you concentrate on your job full-time when you have to worry about your utilities being turned off - your car being taken away, your late house payments - she is just really making me mad. No one is that stupid - she's just turning a blind eye and not giving me a chance to get caught up. It is so hard to start over in your career after almost 2 years of illness. I just wonder how much one person can take sometimes. I wonder how much I can take sometimes. If I haven't reached my limit yet, I'm guessing I can take a pretty awful amount of things happening.

I had this weird urge to go visit my father's grave yesterday. Weird being that I'm not the type of person that believes that anything results in visiting a person's grave - other than the benefit that some people get to look at a symbol of a person's life. I just like to remember the person. It was an overwhelming force though, and I try to follow those type of instincts - so I put a yellow rose at my father's headstone and one on my grandmother's and grandfather's - they are all grouped together. My best friend-roommate received two calls last night from 2 of his 3 best friends (I'm the 3rd) - one had his father pass away yesterday and one had his mother pass away yesterday. It appears that death and despair have been predominant themes this week.

On the upside (you have to find some upsides - to keep your mood up), at least I smell good :P The women on the LUSH forums (LUSH is a awesome bath store that is in bigger cities...i.e. not in this crappy state) - and a bunch of the women there, since I was new to the products, just asked for shipping and sent me a ton of samples. The "Rock Star" soap is the most amazing thing I've ever smelled. I smell like I licked a lollipop and just rubbed it all over my body. If only I could eat myself...(hehe) (no pun intended, of course...grin)

By the way, the "Honey, I washed the Kids" soap is to die for too - it smells like honey and candy. Someone also sent me a chunk of a "Think Pink" bath bomb and ohmygod, it turned my bathwater into pink candy (laugh) I love pink If you can't improve your mood after taking a pink bath, I don't know what you can do (absent really amazing sex...hehe).

"You must not know about me...I could have another you in a minute."

It's one of those nights where my head is just spinning, and I feel like I need to get things out of it - unfortunately, I can't find the right words. It's just been a blah day and a lot of things are bothering me. I have a friend that apparently can't be my friend anymore, because of decisions that he made in the past that he now regrets. I guess the only way that he can feel better about what he feels guilty about now is to shut out anyone that knew him when he made what he considers bad decisions today. I was really careful with this person, because he's the type of person that likes to make you feel good by saying nice things to you - I wasn't sure if he was saying things sometimes because he meant them or just saying things that he thought I wanted to hear. Either way, I guess his underyling motive was to make the other person feel good about herself. I just never fully trusted this person or couldn't let myself fully trust this person, because I knew some of the things that he said were just purely to make the hearer happy. He's leaving a lot of people that did care about him as a friend in his wake - and that bothers me - not just for myself but for other people that I care about that he's hurting also.

I think I'm losing my touch on reading people, and I hate that I care - but I apparently do. Usually I can tell when someone is into me - but I was way off this weekend. There's a fine line between flirting with someone to let that person know you're interested and blatantly just stating it - I'm just not direct like that - I like when people can pick up clues and just go for it. People that take the "easy" route don't interest me anyway, so I don't know why it bothers me. Maybe I'm just annoyed that I wasn't appealing enough ;)

I sold a bunch of "samples" of my Black Phoenix Perfume Oils to make some extra money, since I won't start getting a check until my hourly billing goes through - and I clumsily spilled one when I was decanting out of it. Not only did I lose half of a $20 bottle of perfume oil - now I'm drowned in the scent of chocolate, black cherries, and musk :P I took a bath, and I still smell like this (hehe). I think I'm stuck this way for a few days.

A friend came back into my life again that had disappeared for a long time. I don't know what to do with these people that seem to want to come back around me when it's convenient or when that person needs me in some way again. He claims that things in his life were such that he just couldn't focus on anything except for resolving the problems in his life. Wouldn't you need someone to talk to during that time? Is he just going to disappear again when he doesn't need someone to make him feel cared about? How many chances do you give someone? My automatic inclination is always stubborness - I never used to give people more than one chance. And, then I decided to give people two chances. I think this is a pretty fair place to stand - I don't really think that many people are worth more than two chances - especially if they do the same type of thing both times. Some people, of course, like my family members - are worth a million chances. He wants to see me again, and this concerns me for two reasons - one, I know I won't put everything of myself back into the interaction because, duh, I'm just not going to be blindly happy and then have it all go away again - and two, if I do, it's obviously going to send a message that someone can do this to me over and over - and I'll just take it.

I have to be up at 7 a.m. - I'm not even supposed to be going in to work tomorrow - I can officially hate Mondays again. My mom did the above collage - it's awesome of course ;)

"Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside..."

I'm officially an attorney again - go me, huh? ;) It's weird, because I've been one for awhile but you don't *feel* like what you are unless you're employed or practicing every day. It's like an artist without paints. An attorney in Conway hired me to handle his overflow, and I get to use his Little Rock office which is basically empty to either build a general practice or a research practice. I haven't decided precisely what I want to do yet, but it's a whole new feeling to have options. I actually get to keep my house now for the time being. I'm still supposed to sell my car, but I already know what I'm getting in place of it - a Mitsubishi 3000 GT VR4 - I had two 3000 GT's - never a VR4 though - it's the turbo version - and the 3000 GT's were my favorite cars that I ever owned - I even liked them way better than my Supra - I'm just glad the Supra is worth something, because it was the last year it was made and you can't find them easily anymore. It's about 4 months from being paid off anyway - thank god. It's weird going from having nothing that I *had* to do to having so many things that I need to do, that I can barely keep everything in line. I'm building another website for one of my mom's artist friends also and was considering pursuing this as a source of extra income. It really does drive me nuts though - legal work drives me fun nuts - hehe :) I have my own office - and I've already hung some paintings - my mom held onto a large painting with blues and turquoises that is just stunning for me for when I got an office again. She also bought me a pottery piece that picks up the blues in the painting, so it's just starting to feel like me. I just don't feel comfortable being somewhere for hours upon hours without something pretty to look at.

My previous roommate is moving back in - he's crazy - but, yet, another source of income. He's changed somewhat over the years and is comfortable to talk to and be around. Of course, he still has some of the same faults - but, for night now, everything is ok. I went to a party with he and my other roommate on Saturday and we misjudged the gas level of my car and ran out right when we got there. I was freaking out. The idea of being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with my cell phone in/out of range with no gas and no way to go anywhere was not really appealing :P I kept telling them we were all going to be butt-raped (hehe - why yes, I'm awful...I already knew this...grin) A kind man that owned the house let us borrow some gas - so we were able to make it to the next town to fill back up. Of course, after I found this out - I ended up drinking too much b/c I was so shaken. I've *never* fallen asleep in my car before (no, I wasn't driving...I'm silly and goofy but not insane...heh) - but this time I did ;) I did have to stop sleeping (being passed out...hehe) when we got gas and go to the bathroom and the women's bathrooms inside the station were just locked - so weird - multiple stall bathrooms lock? I had to go to the men's restroom - yuck - but the aforementioned drinking made it an absolute emergency (hehe). The stall I was in read "fuck me hard" - if you're going to write something on private property - you may as well come up with something original for the love of God. Needless to say, I've just spun in circles mentally today - I can't concentrate on anything and am supposed to be asleep,so I can get up early and concentrate on things. It feels like the hamster in my head just stopping running on his little wheel - flopped over on his back and passed out (hehe). Dirty little hamster :P

My hair is red again...with strawberry blonde highlights...(content sigh). Speaking of shopping (yeah, I know we weren't...hehe), I found some soaps that are just so *nice* - go ahead, click me - you know you wanna ;) The website is Villainess and I have now in my greedy, but surprisingly supple hands...hehe:

Dulces en Fuego:

Distinguishing Features:Cracked black pepper and cinnamon sprinkled throughout.

Characteristic Scent:Musky bitter chocolate sweetened with vanilla and touches of citrus then positively inflamed with black pepper and nutmeg.

Gloop:

Distinguishing Features:Skin-softening marshmallow crushed throughout.

Characteristic Scent:Fluffed marshmallow fudge.

These are *amazing* - way cheaper than LUSH soaps - which I really don't just love anyway and more moisturizing. Most of the scents are pretty useable by males or females. My roommate wanted to steal the spiced chocolate one (hehe). It actually does have little pieces of pepper in it - and they exfoliate - these rock - I'll be getting more unfortunately ;) And, I smell like chocolate marshmallows now (grin). (See you thought I was going to type something naughty here...see how wrong you are....smile)

"She'll let you in her mouth...if the words you say are right"

With all the things going on with the people around me lately – I’ve been thinking a lot about addiction problems in general. It’s so ironic, because one of the ways that they tell you to keep yourself otherwise occupied and to get your focus off of your addiction – is to focus on something else that you like – however, I can see how easily that other focus or even focuses could become addictions too – how can you ever really break the cycle? For example, I like sex way too much (hehe) and shopping if I wanted to choose two of my very favorites things (people?....grin) to do. So, in the past, if I try to cut down on the shopping – which makes me happy and gets me excited – then I seem to have sex more which, most of the time anyway, creates the same effect. And, vice versa – it’s a wicked cycle. Even worse for people with “deadlier” addictions – although, I guess any addiction can be deadly in some way or life altering. I guess the whole point is to balance all of the things you love and achieve moderation. Good luck with this (hehe). As an aside, I’m not mocking addiction – I’ve lived with someone and have befriended someone for years that has had health, job, and personal problems resulting from the gravity of his addiction – I’ve just been so stressed – that I need to let it out in humor.

I made pendants with corks that hold perfume oils for Valentine’s Day for my mom and my sister-in-law and ordered the oils *over* a month ago – and I still haven’t received them so we have to wait to celebrate V-day with family. On a side note, we had to wait anyway because my mom decided that she didn’t want to be here for her birthday which is also on V-day. She went to Vegas with her husband. I wrote an e-mail to the company about the order not being here yet, because she had specifically sent me an e-mail letting me know that they would be here well before V-day. I started getting worried that they were lost in the mail and sent her a message. She was like, oh yeah, I had this and this and this problem and they were mailed about a day ago (this was February 14^th) – I was so annoyed. She didn’t offer to refund my shipping or anything. I’ve sold enough things on ebay and dealt with people from my mom’s site to know this just isn’t the way that you do business. She should have sent e-mails to her customers prior to them having to contact her and offered some type of “apology” – either monetary or in extra product. If there aren’t a few free samples in the package – if I ever get it – I’m going to send an e-mail and request that my shipping be refunded. I wouldn’t be so annoyed if she hadn’t sent me a personal e-mail telling me that she was happy that I chose her website for V-day gifts and guaranteed that they would be here in time – good lord, I ordered them in early January. The pendants are pretty cool – you can wear them around your neck or hang them around your rearview mirror to make your car smell good. The cork diffuses the perfume oil, so that it isn't overpowering. I’ve made a fairy one, a heart one, and a moon one so far. I get frustrated with the wire – I don’t have a lot of patience with some things (hehe). And, then other areas – I have enough patience to drive other people crazy – whatever works :D I want my Valentine’s Day presents, damnit – I know my mom got a me a nightie that I really wanted – it’s fuschia and semi-sheer – with a corset type back that comes up higher in the back than the front – so it shows the matching panties. *Excited* :D (See, the whole shopping thing again…hehe…or is that shopping and sex-based? Not sure…grin)

I read another really cool tip on a website about wearing a locket with a piece of cotton in it that you dab in your favorite perfume oil or spray with your favorite perfume - I've done this twice already - I bought a necklace with a large heart locket that has a black rose and other pendants dangling from it - it's really a neat idea. You can smell your perfume all night - w/out your skin absorbing all of it.

I got my belly button re-pierced this weekend - hehe :) The piercer was funny; he kept trying to make me laugh, so I wouldn't be nervous.

Him: "I had a bad weekend...I blew "chunks" after I got home Friday night..."

Him: "I have a dog named 'Chunks.'"

Geez...it took me a minute - I was so nervous, that I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying - he was going through a whole comedic monologue...(laugh) Very happy about having it redone though - he used a bigger needle than the woman that previously pierced me . I was trying to be a trooper and not gasp :D I got a stainless steel ring this time with blue sparkly stones - I wanted something different. Now, if it will just heal - so I can use all the belly rings that I got for Christmas, and that I had already bought last year before the evil gallbladder surgery :P