"She will go and set the world on fire...no one ever thought she could do that."

My ex-boyfriend's/roommate's mother has breast cancer. They caught it very early while checking on other general health problems, so that is a very good sign. She is one of the most stubborn, feisty, strong women that I know. His way of dealing with his fear about her is to lash out at me. He's been yelling at me for the past two hours. I don't feel well today, so I'm stuck at home. He keeps telling me how none of "his friends" like me and how he shouldn't be living with me - and all other types of hurtful words that I don't care to re-live. I don't understand how a person in his middle 30's does not yet know how to deal with his feelings and accept the fact that he has fears. I shouldn't have to be yelled at because he is scared and can't admit it. I just talk to someone, listen to sad music, cry - something - I would never yell at someone else in a degrading way without realizing what I was doing.

My hair is a new color - it's burgundy with two "peek-a-boo" blonde highlights - one in my bangs and one streak on the left side. It was a nightmare how many times I had my hair colored this week - I made the mistake of trying a new place - but it's finally "liveable" until the next whim hits me. Changing my haircolor makes me happy.

I'm a ChaCha guide which is awesome, because it's something I can do at home. You can just text any question in the whole world to 242242, and you'll have an answer within minutes. I get a lot of sex questions (hehe - big surprise - huh?), weed questions (can you tell I answer questions in the middle of the night? hee), and legal questions. Customers get 4 free questions every 7 days. I hate the homework questions the most, because I had to do my own homework - they should have to also :P I'm just learning how to do answer quickly within the text limits and their guidelines and am up to $75 already. I have my first shift with kgb_ tomorrow as a guide where I will also answer questions - they are stricter, pay less, and work in shifts - so I'm not sure how that one will work out for me - but it's worth a shot. Unlike ChaCha, kgb_ costs .99 a question, but it's harder to be accepted so the answers have a much higher quality rating. Some of the questions that have made me laugh or cringe:

"How long were Viking penises?" (laugh)
"If a hooker comes to your house and passes out, is it rape or shop-lifting?" (cringe)
"Can you have sex with a girl that is passed out?" (cringe)
"What kind of snake is this?" (answer poisonous) Follow up question: "Should I touch it?" (cringe)

I'm also a member of an Artist Trading Card (ATC) forum now! I'm really exited; you can join group swaps (sounds dirty, huh?) or just post your small pieces of art for person-to-person swaps. ATC's are works of art on paper that are 2.5 x 3.5 inches in size. The first swap I have joined is "7 deadly sins." I have "Envy" done (pictured above) - but still have to do "lust" and "wrath." It feels like a really friendly community, so this is definitely a positive in my life currently.

I'm taking care of two teeny tiny kittens! My roommate's sister-in-law rescued 6 of them, and we are bottle-feeding 2 of them. One is a soft black, and one is orange and white striped. I don't know if I'll be able to give the orange one up (bites nails...hehe) I have a weak spot for kitties - but an even weaker spot for orange kitties, since I lost my beautiful boy "Tang" last year. They are so busy. I love when they are awake - but I'm also glad to have a chance to breathe when they are finally sleeping.

I joined an IBS study that researches how writing can affect and/or aid people that deal with the symptoms of IBS. I'll get a $25 check for just writing a couple nights in a row - it does distract you from concentrating on your stomach pain - but, of course, lots of things do and eventually activities will stop distracting you or the pain gets worse. I also can submit a piece of artwork if I want for their publication - also contending that art helps with IBS symptoms. I truly believe that creative arts lead to less stress which would help calm down IBS flare-ups.

It's been an interesting month!

"You with your itinerary life, you're nothing, nothing, never fine in the light."

I wish:

(1) That my stomach could feel normal for one week - or even a day - and that I could eat anything I wanted for just that day - no heating pads, no pain pills, no advil, no medications an hour before I eat - nothing - just be a normal person.

(2) That someone would give something up or make a "grand gesture" for me just once - a romantic, unbelievable, movie-moment sacrifice - to make us both happy - choosing to relocate to be with me, admitting his feelings even though he doesn't know how to express them, getting help for a problem that would keep a person from being safe around them - just something. I'm tired of being the one that has to give up everything. I'm sick of being the person that has to be accomodating of another's behavior, words, or actions within another's initial or complete control.

(3) That I get a swimming pool as I had planned one day.

(4) That I get to find at least a part of the "former me" one day and keep her around.

(5) That my ex-boyfriend could choose to be sober.

(6) That my mom would understand what it's like to be me sometimes. I actually wish that just one person in the world understood me or cared enough to learn how to - I always find people to be enigmas - I like to learn how they work, what they think, and figure out who they are - it's exciting to me.

(7) That I get treated to or invited to a small picnic one day - an open field - 2 people, a blanket, food optional...(hehe)

(8) That I could feel what it's like to be one of "the beautiful people" for one day - where you can't even walk by someone without that person turning around and not knowing why. I'd love to know what it feels like to have that charisma, that "special something" - that certain people have and no one can explain but draws people closer.

(9) That I had a better singing voice.

(10) That I had a body made for professional dancing.

(11) That I could order as many bath and body products, tarts, perfume oils, dresses, make-up as I could and wanted in a 24-hour space of time.

(12) That I had told someone in my past before he got married that I loved him even though it wouldn't have mattered in terms of where he or I ended up.

(13) That I could get my lost kitties back - Brownie, Spot, Baby Kitty, Kismet, Slash, Little Guy, Tang, and Flooz. Little Guy died two months ago of Saddle Thrombus - he just threw a clot and lost use of both of his back legs - I thought he had fallen and broke or injured a leg. Two hours later, he was euthanized - he had a heart defect that couldn't be repaired which had led to the throwing of the clot that was blocking blood flow to his legs. I have lost so many kitties the past two years.

(14) That I wasn't so shy in front of groups of people. I wish I could stand in front of a group of people and speak confidentally and knowledgeably.

(15) That I don't lose anything else - I've lost so much lately - even for just a year, I'd like to keep all that I have around me - people, pets, and belongings.

(16) That just one of the people in my past that treated me poorly or did something obviously wrong would come back and admit it and take responsbility for it.

(17) That people didn't lie so much - or think that they are so good at it that people don't know it. Just because someone doesn't call a person on a lie or bring it to light, doesn't mean that she doesn't know or didn't know what was going on the entire time - everyone has a filter inside - sometimes they don't want to speak about something aloud either - because that makes it real.

(18) That a few of my wishes would come true.

"You're going to find yourself somewhere, somehow..."

Life has been so crazy lately! I'm finally getting moved, but I still have a ton of stuff at my other house to get out. My roommate just doesn't want to help me (he lived there for 11 years!); he doesn't even want to get his belongings. I don't know what he expects me to do. He came into my bedroom the other night and sat down on the bed and starting getting dressed at about one in the morning. He asked me to take him to the hospital, so that he could be checked in for rehabilitation. He has been sober for 8 days and 8 nights now, which is the longest run in about 6 years. I know that it might not stick, but I am greatly encouraged by the fact that he *asked* for help this time. No one had to talk him into it. No one has to give him guilt trips or try to scare him. He asked for help on his own and admitted that he couldn't stop drinking by himself.

I finally have my Etsy store "VenusEnvy" up! I haven't finished enough paintings lately to start "stocking" those, but I do have a number of fun little fairy canvases that I'm moving into the shop. I've been doing so poorly health-wise, that I feel that I need something positive to focus on - I am trying to do anything that I can to feel human. (I wonder if I feel good enough to have sex? Hehe) I've added some of my recent paintings that have already been sold or donated - and some of my fairy canvases.

"Wish and love are not the same thing."

This has been the oddest week; I'm all disjointed and random. What I'm leaving out is probably more important than what I'm including but for what it is worth.

My mom: She is home and healing - she is still getting sick right after she eats. She's been kind of out of it with the pain medication and lack of energy. It's so unnerving seeing my mom like that - she's never sick. It really bothers me.

Premieres!

Grey's Anatomy: Ohmygod, the new guy is h.o.t. and I am not one to drool over physical appearances alone (his voice, persona, crooked grin) - his whole "character" and "the kiss" - I watched it online and had to watch the kiss 3 times. Umm, did I just type that? (hehe) I'm really surprised they are carrying through on the bi-sexual/lesbian relationship - that one totally threw me for a loop (not in a bad way but in an ohmygod this is primetime television way). I love when gender and sexuality is illustrated as how it truly exists in reality - it's not as clear cut as everyone likes or wants to believe.

ANTM: I can't believe they cut Hannah so harshly - she would have improved. Love love love Elina and Annaleigh - I wish I could look like either of them just for one day (wistful sigh). I know I know, but just one day! A lot of pretty people don't understand or will never understand the power and advantages that being one of the "pretty ones" grants you in life - your job - how you are treated by others. It's depressing when the jobs or professions that you would most like to be engaged in aren't supported by your genes.

I missed Knight Rider; I'm going to go back and watch the first one online - I also missed Fringe which I was curious about.

My brother: Being a total dick - I tried to call him last week after my mom's surgery, because I was sick and scared and truly needed to talk to someone and he just blew me off. I haven't spoken to him in a week now. I understand being with someone that you love, but I believe that family enhances a relationship to an extent - he's been married for over 5 years now - and he still acts like I don't exist most of the time. He took a pottery class at the art center without telling me despite the fact that he knew that I would have wanted to take it also - we took the last class together. My mom made some comment that I missed a couple of the classes last time, but that's when I was traveling back and forth to Fayetteville all of the time and trying to juggle two "residences."

My best friend: Drinking again - after rehab and after two months of sobriety. I asked/pleaded with him to follow up as they instructed with meetings, so that he could have a sponsor. He kept saying that he didn't need one, and I kept trying to explain that the moment something bad happened - that he wouldn't know how to deal with it and then would be at risk to turning back to alcohol. His way of dealing with any type of stress for the past 6 years has to been to drink. You have to learn a whole new way to live and handle everyrday pressures - not to mention the excessively stressful days and situations. He really started falling for a girl, and then she moved very far away - he started drinking that week. He told me that the alcohol was the only way to take away the pain, so that he could not think about it. I tried to talk to him - the minute he's sober again, the pain comes right back. If you keep masking the pain, you never deal with it - he keeps setting it up, so that he can never stop drinking or all the pain will come crashing into him. I'm tired. I hate to give up on him - but, what else can I do with respect to his drinking problem? I sat in the hospital for 7 hours the night he was admitted to the program; I visited him that week; I sent a letter to his workplace to explain that he was hospitalized; and, I picked him up. That week was very stressful for me too and time and emotionally draining; he just doesn't comprehend or care that he's not just hurting himself when he drinks - he's hurting his "loved ones" too. The past two months in terms of having my friend back were bliss; it was so comforting to be able to talk to him again.

Life in general: God, I've been sick. I'm feeling so horrible; yet, there are so many things that I *have* to get done. How do you get things done when you hurt too much to move most of the time? My gastroenterologist stated that I was essentially on the last two medications that he could think of to handle the post-cholestectomy syndrome (not to mention just dealing with IBS and severe acid reflux) - the medications made me horribly sick - I tried to take them for 3 days even though they made me feel so badly - I wanted them to work. There are more tests unfortunately in my future.

My best friend is trying to help me think more positively (ironic, huh?). It's so strange, because when I sit down to try to focus on one thing that I think I want to happen - these unexpected thoughts pop into my brain, and I can't get them to go away thus breaking my concentration. It's not just one thing; it's numerous things and not things that are attainable. I don't know what is going on with my brain lately.

Presidential Debate: I abhor when someone can't answer a question in even remotely straightforward manner. No matter which side you support, Obama just "out-performed." McCain had a set of statements that he wanted to make in order to try to garner certain votes; there were numerous times that I just wanted to scream at the tv for him to actually answer a question just once instead of alluding to some famous person he met or his years of military experience. Obama actually talked about what he *will* do in the future - that's what everyone needs to know right now. McCain sounded like he was out on the porch of an old folks' home telling stories about the war to anyone that will listen. My favorite point was about how if Americans are economically weak that we will not be respected by other nations - if America can't even protect its own citizens in terms of rising foreclosures, gas shortages and extortive pricing due to "speculation," and lack of health care, then how strong are we going to look as toward other nations? A country that can't protect its own citizens cannot protect itself against outside threads. I don't even drink, and I feel like I need one from watching it - the vice-presidential debate should be really entertaining (rolls eyes).

Switch Witch! My sweet Switch Witch sent me these yummy lip butters - chocolate, berry, candy - they are making my lips so soft, and they smell good enough to eat (hehe!) I've been doing fairly well as toward my Witchee - I've sent her first package, and it was well received and her second package is going to be so much fun that I want to keep the goodies for myself (grin). And, I already have the final package planned and more than half accumulated. Yay for me :)

I joined a Halloween card swap - I'm going to make my own cards - I made Halloween paintings for my family last year with collage and acrylic paint - so I'm going to repeat the process on a smaller scale - excited!

Fell in love with this scent this week:

Hellhound on my Trail:

… blues falling down like hail
And the day keeps on remindin' me, there's a hellhound on my trail …

August 16th marks the day the Devil came to call on the King of the Delta Blues.

Bay rum, bourbon vanilla, galangal, hyssop, High John the Conqueror root, tobacco, life everlasting, and brimstone.

This smells so good on me! Like a dirty naughty vanilla that still needs a spanking to keep herself in check

I ordered this scent:

Lilith Victoria:

Snake Oil blended with Dorian, plus soft vanilla flower, lily of the valley, lavender, and fennel.

Based on the reviews, it's freaking gorgeous - a spicy vanilla tea scent - I need it now! (hee!) Patience has never been my strong point (grin)

"Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

My mom's gallbladder surgery went well; however, they found a hard-to-reach stone near her pancreas that they didn't want to make a large incision to retrieve, so she has to stay in the hospital until Saturday - so they can retrieve it without an incision. It's been a tough week. My mom's surgery was Thursday, and my roommate and supposedly my best friend in the whole world had promised to sit with me the night before - because he knew I would be worried and restless. He went out and didn't come back home until after 1:00 in the morning. I was shocked. His selfishness is just beyond my scope of comprehension at this point. He's seeing a new girl that for some reason he tried to lie about - he's dated other girls since we split up two years ago - what do I care? He said that she's leaving for California in two weeks, so that was why he had to spend time with her. He barely knows her; he's known me for 13 years. I'm really sick of selfish people. I'm really sick of people that just try to use me and don't really want to talk to me and be there for me. He had planned to go out again tonight and tomorrow night. He came up to sit with me late tonight and leaned against the headboard and fell asleep - great company, huh? I decorated behind his ears with a variety of colors from my permanent marker set and covered him with an entire vial of Black Phoenix perfume oil in "Death Cap" - one of the stinkiest oils ever - mushrooms and dirt - no joke. I hope he wonders all day at work what the smell is and figures out eventually that it's coming from him. I was always there as a friend for him; I just don't understand.

He told me "I really like this girl." I think this qualifies as the most hypocritical statement that he has ever made. He interfered with my previous relationship in the following ways over the course of a year:

(1) Called my ex and hung up numeous times.
(2) Called me repeatedly when I was with my ex and sent hundreds of text messages.
(3) Downloaded a key-logger to my laptop while I was out of town and sent e-mails and forwarded e-mails from my business e-mail account to various people - including a girl that he claimed that my ex was still seeing.
(4) Forwarded private naughty pictures that were on one of my older computers to my ex while I was dating him (of me with another man). This failed of course, because I'm an honest person - I always tell the person I'm dating anything that comes up in conversation. I don't hide things.
(5) Called me all types of names and other emotional and verbal abuse while I was at home.
(6) Befriended one of my ex's past girlfriends and conspired with her to find information out that I may not have known and pass said information on to me.
(7) This crazy ex-girlfriend contacted me to harrass me.
(8) Tried to contact 2 other of my ex's past girlfriends and harrassed them.
(9) He stole money from me, so that he could try to make sure that I wouldn't have gas money to go out of town.
(10) He completely and purposefully neglected any bills that came up while I was gone - leading to the water being turned off for so many days (I only went out of town once for over a week) - that I had to "restart" the account at a cost of over $600.

Him: "I really like this girl."

I keep typing it, and I can't believe that he doesn't realize the irony in that statement. I really loved who I was with - he made my stomach flip - only a handful of people in my lifetime have done that. Admittedly, at the end, his own anger played into my decision to not come back - he just refused to get help - what can you do when someone won't help himself so that he doesn't hurt you? However, the entire year - situations were exascerbated and more emotionally fused because of my roommate's interference - not to mention the fact that he took years off of my life stress-wise. I don't understand why the hypocrisy of his statement won't sink in - I wish I could work with that type of denial.

"There will come a day when you won't know my name."

Labor Day festivities made me think of you. I know you don't care, but I do - and now that's all that matters.

Things you've missed:

(1) Handfuls of phone calls and sweet words.
(2) My new haircolor and haircut.
(3) My new dress.
(4) Graveyard Dirt coming back (woohoo!) and all of the other amazing Black Phoenix Halloween updates. It was weird not ordering decants for you.
(5) The chance to wish my mom well after her hospital stay - and a chance to wish her well before surgery. My mission to fill her mailbox with get-well cards.
(6) Lots of lost sex (hehe)
(7) Opening my Switch Witch package with me.
(8) Joining Switch Witch - 3 boy-witches this round!
(9) Labor Day weekend at the lake with my family and my brother trying to ride "Big Bertha" the float from hell again - being on the boat - swimming where it parked - eating lots of lactose-filled casseroles.
(10) Planning Halloween costumes with me.
(11) Taking pictures with me.
(12) The intimate moments - the moments where I loved to listen to you - and my words or conversations with meaning.
(13) New songs that I wanted to share - and advice on other music that I needed.
(14) The present I already had for your birthday.
(15) Lots of "I love yous" and kisses that are meant.

I don't cry anymore when I think of you and how everything ended; I'm not angry anymore nor am I letting the anger consume me when I think of the lies that were told to me. So, I think I'm healing. My sex drive came back - thank god. I was worried that it was gone. I was thinking the other day and felt a little "twinge" - hehe. At least, I'm not broken.

I pondered sending you back your mom's letter. I wanted you to know what it feels like when someone blames you for your own mistreatment due to anger/rage - whatever the root of the problem is, but I guess you grew up with that - and reading a letter illustrating it - isn't going to make it sink in any more than it should have already - and I never was interested in hurting you intentionally - I was just trying to look out for me and my heart for once in my life, before it was broken - I guess that's something you can't foresee - because it's broken anyway. Maybe everything is just all convoluted and covered in anger - I wish I knew how you really felt about that week without the anger clouding everything.

This sweetheart of a girl told me about some other mineral make-up sites - I'm fiending for some eyeshadow pigments - she recommended About Face and MAD minerals. I really want MAC samples, but ohmygod, they are expensive. I *need* an acid green pigment eyeshadow - really I do! (hehe)

I'm all signed up for Halloween Switch Witch; I decided to not let the happenings and misfortune in the past round affect my happiness in this round. I enjoy it - it's fun - here's my answered ?aire for your amusement (boredom!) (grin) Hehe - I don't receive my assigned person until September 3rd-ish - but I've already bought some Halloween stickers and few other fun Halloween things (I'm so bad! hehe)

Switch Witch Questionnaire

====================

Personal/Basic Information
Birthday: November 23, 1972 (don’t call me old....hehe!)
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas.
Pets: I live in a zoo - no joke (hehe) I have 6 cats; my roommate has 6 cats - and, we’re still arguing over who has "custody" of the 3 dogs (2 pugs and a part-chow). I tend to rescue animals (looks at floor and shuffles feet)
Children: Nope! I always tell my mom that she has grandpets, so that should make her happy - she doesn’t find me amusing (hehe)
Religious orientation: None really - I was raised Methodist. I believe in "something," but I don’t define it conventionally.
Favorite Holiday: Christmas! I also adore Halloween too - yay for Halloween!
Occupation/Major in school: Attorney/English Major.
Living arrangement (by yourself, with roommates, etc): Currently, I live with an ex-boyfriend and have for about 3 years. My house is for sale (but no worries - I’ll be forwarding my mail!)
Livejournal/Blog/Website: I’m VoyeurWithWings on Livejournal, but I mostly use that for sales. I have a blog here: http://360.yahoo.com/tongue_n_chiq
Organizations/Causes/Activities (Things you belong to or causes you believe in): Womens’ Rights, Animal Rights, Anti-Discrimination (I’m very against any type of racism, sexism...etc) - and, I’d do anything I could to help get health-care for everyone.)

BPAL
Favorite BPAL oils: Is there a limit? (hehe...deep breath) Jailbait, Glowing Vulva, Smut, 13 (original), Snow Bunny, Eat Me, Gluttony, Strawberry Moon, Spooky (one mint so far that loves me...hee!), Treat #2, Midway, Monster Bait: Underbed, Snow White, Bordello, Wanda, Carnal, Graveyard Dirt (goes expensive chocolate on me!), and Black Lace.
Favorite notes: Cotton Candy, Bubblegum, Raspberry, Strawberry, Cherry, Lime, Cream, Sugar, Vanilla, Chocolate, Ginger, Caramel, Buttercream, Tobacco, Cogac, and Carnation.
Favorite non-BPAL perfumes: There are perfumes that aren’t bpal? (hehe) I have a few, but I never reach for them; I adore Aquolina Pink Sugar, but I have 2 bottles of it, the lotion...you get the idea...hehe.
Least favorite BPAL oils: Parsifal, Oberon, Aizen-Myoo (ohmygod...if I wanted to smell like cat pee - I know where to find it...hehe), and Privilege have been the ohmygod, get it off of me now ones so far. Basically florals = puke on me. (Uh, not literally, please! hehe)
Least favorite notes: Floral (I can wear carnation and sweet sweet red rose...that’s it in this category!), strong ozone notes, strong aquatic notes, metallic notes, incense, and frankincense. The only aquatic that I have fallen really hard for is Storm Moon (unfortunately Hehe)
Least favorite non-BPAL perfumes: I haven’t tried hardly any to know anymore ;) I haven’t worn conventional perfume in 5 years.

Beauty
Hair type: I have long, red (haircolor is my friend...hehe), thin-stranded hair - but I have a ton of it! It’s wavy if I let it dry, but I straighten it usually when I go out.
Skin Type: Very sensitive - and combination. I’m still prone to the occasional break-out apparently no matter how old I get :P (aren’t there supposed to be benefits to getting older? Hehe)
Allergies (specifically B&B related): Very strong cinnamon based products will make me burn - that’s it so far.
Other things to avoid: I have trouble with certain soaps - for example, while I adore Villainess smooches (ohmygod - love!) - her soaps are drying on me. Lush soaps are useable. I know there is a technical difference between the two but my brain hurts already tonight...(hehe)
Tub, shower or both? Both! I love baths...content sigh.
Favorite bath & beauty products: Lilypad Bathworks’ products (mostly her bath butters - she has amazing customer service and is getting new scents soon and bath bombs - and I am so excited), Villainess smooches (how I love these!), and Lush Shower Gels. I’m really anxious to try some Black Phoenix bath oils - I never have had more than a little sample. I love brightly colored eye shadows and am trying to find a good variety sampler of MAC eyeshadow pigments - because I want to try a bunch of different colors. I also love Urban Decay eyeshadow palettes, but I have many of them. I adore lip gloss; I hardly ever wear lipstick.
Clothing Style/Fave garments: If I have to do professional activities, then it’s a business suit - but, when I go out - I mostly wear black (because I wear brightly-colored make-up and don’t like to clash) - my style is basically reflected by Torrid clothing if you want to get general idea of what I wear (www.torrid.com). I like edgy and sexy clothing when I go out - I never wear pants or t-shirts (except for at home on the t-shirts) - I always wear dresses or skirts because they flatter my body shape more. I wear sparkly flip-flops if I feel lazy (hehe) - and really cool wedges when I feel like being stylish (my favorite pair are from Volatile and are black with white skulls on them).
T-shirt size and preference (standard, babydoll, tank, cami, etc): I just wear t-shirts at home when lounging so it doesn’t matter what type - I’ve worn 2X and 3X - but if it’s for a gift - I always tell someone 3X to be safe. The 2X bpal babydolls are very snug on me, and I didn’t wear the one I purchased.
Type(s) of jewelry worn: Necklaces! (Adore! I love the handmade ones and unique ones on etsy...I love handmade jewelry) Belly Rings (ohmygod, also love - I always run out of my money from bpal before I get some of these - I would love a handful of belly rings...hehe). I don’t typically wear earrings - however, I did just recently had my upper ear (cartilage) pierced - and I am looking for something unique to trade the standard ring out with in about a month. I saw one where a fairy looked like it was holding onto your ear - it was awesome :) I love "spooky" images (skulls, bats, spiders, snakes) with a feminine touch - like a pink skull belly ring or a purple spider pendant. I like jewelry with painted women or fairies or sometimes - even eerie landscapes. I like pieces that are unusual and that not everyone in the room is going to be wearing. I prefer center-piece jewelry to heavily-beaded jewelry.
Ring/wrist/collar size: I don’t wear rings or bracelets. Necklaces can be any length, because I own extenders. I can’t wear chokers though, because I am full-figured and don’t want to make my neck appear any shorter.
Jewelry - gold or silver? I’m a silver girl
Do you have any allergies to metal? Nope.
Favorite gemstones: None really - I’m not really into gemstones - I like more hand-painted or hand-sculpted "center-piece" pendants and jewelry.
Pierced ears, stretched ears, neither? My ears are pierced normally and then one upper cartilage piercing.

Lifestyle
Favorite colors: Sky blue, pink (light pink, hot pink, fuschia - I love pink!), lime green, deep purple, turquoise, and black.
Style/home decoration style: I love artwork - so I keep my walls fairly neutral, so I can display paintings and sculptures. My mom has been a professional artist since childhood, so I have a lot of paintings from her and her students - and from what her and my brother have purchased for me. I’m very modern in colors - I dislike rooms that look too "crafty" with too much woodwork, etc. For example, if I have a wooden door - I’m going to paint it - not stain it. As for artwork, I love moody prints and paintings of ethereal women (like gothic type mermaids, fairies, women with skulls). I love sculptures of fairies, modern cats, and any type of otherworldly figures.
Things you collect: bpal (hehe!) and art pieces.
Favorite music: Whew - long list - I’m very eclectic - some examples: Fiona Apple, Garbage, Nickelback, 50 Cent, Petey Pablo, The Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, The Steve Miller Band, The Eagles, Prince, Tori Amos, Theory of a Deadman, Gwen Stefani, R. Kelly, Saliva, Puddle of Mudd, Fergie, Goldfrapp, Ludacris - basically top 40, dance, some r&b, alternative, hip-hop, 80's, 90's, and some "light" techno (like Goldfrapp).
Least favorite music: Classical and Country - ugh...hehe. The former puts me to sleep and the latter makes me wish I was asleep. (I do like some country cross-overs - like a couple of Miley songs, Faith Hill, and Shania Twain).
Vegetarian/Vegan?: Nope and nope.
Other food restrictions: I have severe IBS and acid reflux. I can’t eat anything spicy (like ginger) or hot (like peppery). I adore chocolate and will lovingly eat it - but I have to space it out! I also cannot drink coffee or anything else caffeinated - it upsets my acid reflux and IBS.
Favorite flavors: Chocolate! I also like strawberry, cherry, honey, lime, and vanilla.
Favorite foods/drinks: Chinese Food, Seafood, American Food, and Mexican Food. I drink mainly water. I dislike coffee and most teas - although, I love peppermint tea because I drink that for stomach cramping and it seems to help.
Favorite authors/genres: I’ve just started some of the Stephanie Meyers’ books - really wanting to read "The Host" but it’s just in hardback right now! I love romance-mystery, FBI-profile type novels, modern Vampire/ghost or any other supernatural novels (with a little humor thrown in!), and just fun, flirty romance reads for the days when I feel down. Some examples of authors that I have read and enjoyed are: Mary Janice Davidson, Janet Evanovich (I’ve read up to 13 in the Stephanie Plum novels - number 14 is still only in hardback), Lisa Jackson, and Lisa Gardner - I’m always up for new authors though!
Least favorite authors/genres: Danielle Steele - historical romances (gag!) and books with little humor - I’m not very into satirical reads, like religious satire. I read so many serious things for my profession, that I like to read very fun things when I have time to sit down with a book.
Books/authors you'd like to read, but haven't yet: I’m very curious about Stephanie Meyer’s new adult novel - but curious about discovering new authors too!
How do you feel about receiving gently used books as gifts? Not a problem - I buy most of my books online and used - it’s cheaper - and I’m going to read them hard anyway! Dog-earring them and reading them in the bathtub (hehe).
Favorite stores (including clothing stores): Locally, I shop at Sephora, Lane Bryant, shoe stores (can you really ever have too many shoes? Hehe), Hot Topic for fun little gifts, Michaels, and a local art store.
Favorite online stores (including B&B stores): (hehe...another deep breath!) www.torrid.com, www.lilypadbathworks.com, www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com (Hehe!), www.villainess.net, www.bodycandy.com, www.lush.com, www.zappos.com, www.etsy.com, and ebay of course for a little bit of everything!
Magazines you subscribe to: None
Magazines you like, but don't subscribe to: Jane, Cosmo, Marie Claire, Random Art Magazines - whatever catches my attention on the shelf
Favorite movies: (hehe...another long one!) Christmas Vacation, Enchanted, The Little Mermaid, Mulan, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Liar Liar, The Fast and the Furious, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Wedding Date, The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Sweet Home Alabama, Titan A.E., Sinbad (animated), Bring It On, Mean Girls, Tommy Boy, Step Up, Save the Last Dance, Good Luck Chuck, The Bone Collector, and lots lots more.
Favorite TV show(s): (hehe - sorry in advance!) CSI (all of them), Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, House, Criminal Minds, Numbers, Supernatural, Three’s Company (I’m a sitcom whore, really! Hehe), 2 and ½ Men, Shear Genius, Law and Order SVU, Top Chef, Hell’s Kitchen, Without a Trace, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cold Case, Angel, Gray’s Anatomy, Lost, Dexter, and Heroes.
Hobbies/crafts done: I paint - I love to paint! (acrylics) I’ve also gotten into some box-making for perfumes that are hand-painted with sculpted pieces on top. I’ve done a little pottery. I want to get into jewelry-making - I have some of the tools and supplies already but am feeling a little lost on where to start.

Wishlists
BPAL Wish List (including SW/SF Help): http://voyeurwithwings.livejournal.com/832.html
Other website Wish lists (amazon.com, etc): I’m trying to move everything over to kaboodle, so it will all be in one place: http://www.kaboodle.com/girlindenial/gift-ideas.html

And now for something completely different:

- Let's say you're "Lost" on an island: what two people and which three things would you want with you? I’d want my roommate (ex) and brother with me. My ex because he would stay cool-headed and my brother because he would be freaking out worse than I would be (hehe). Can a helicopter be one of the things? (hee!) I’m not really an outdoor-girl and would like to get the hell off the island...hehe - maybe I should change one of my persons to a pilot? (grin) For pure what is important to me reasons, I’d like a tv (I can’t sleep without one), my favorite pillowcase (it’s a childhood thing - leave me alone...hehe), and a phone that worked no matter where I was located (I’m not staying there forever :P )

- If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Hard one between invisibility and teleporting - I think invisibility - I’d love to be able to watch events and people - without anyone knowing that I was around (grin)

- What things do you consider a necessary part of your "comfort" ritual? My mom tries to cheer me up sometimes by getting me a pedicure - and I have designs done on my toes (I keep meaning to get a little kit with brushes and nailpolishes made for doing small designs, so I can learn how to do this myself! I haven’t researched whether there are little stencils either yet) - I use baths and a good book usually. I listen to music sometimes or watch tv. I love to sit down with any packages from the day and go through them gleefully - testing everything all over my arms (grin) I also play spades online to relax and write blogs to get everything out from the day if it was particularly stressful.

- If you were a household appliance, what would you be and why? I’d be a tv - because it always gets attention and gets turned on over and over (grin)

- What are the last 3 CDs you've had in your CD player, or played all the way through on your MP3 player? I don’t really have full CD’s of many artists (except for Garbage which is my favorite band) - because I usually only like a few songs from each artist. The last 3 songs I listened to were: Stars: "Your ex-lover is Dead," Rihanna: "Disturbia," and Elisa "Rock Your Soul."

- What are the last 2 movies you watched all the way through? Good Luck Chuck and Big Mama’s House.

Notes (Here's where you can add additional information you'd like your Switch Witch to know!):

It’s so hard to figure out a way to describe yourself in a short paragraph! I’m mostly a girly-girl with a tiny bit of a wicked/gothic edge. I’m not a frilly, lacy girl. Personality-wise, I’m very opinionated, outspoken if I feel someone is being done wrong or someone is doing wrong to me, silly, occasionally witty, and have a wicked/perverted sense of humor. I’ve very caring and compassionate and treat people close to me like the true gifts that they are to my life. I’ve been struggling with health problems (which have led to anxiety and depression) at this time in my life, and I’ve been having a hard time. Being sick has eaten up my savings and I have to move and economize. I’ll go through some days or weeks where I close myself off from people; this is not my typical personality though. I’ve gone through enough in my life now to understand what is truly important and what is small and petty and should just be let go.

Random Questions

If you have children, would you want something included for them? No children.
What are your travel imps? It’s really mood dependent with me; I keep meaning to get some little 1ml roller-bottles so I can carry my favorites with me - I usually reach for Smut, Eat Me, or Snow White if I’m in a hurry - those are never fails!
What is the most unexpected but thoroughly loved SW gift you've received? Wow - I’ve received wonderful things - my 2^nd SW hand-painted a gift for me so that touched me - my 1^st SW found a rare bottle for me and included the first season of Buffy - which I totally wasn’t expecting! She also found a pink bat belly ring which I just love love love.
If you have a pet, do they like to play with toys? Yes, but I don’t think anyone could send enough for all of the to play with! The dogs like treats and rawhide bones. The cats like little mice and are cat-nip crazy - I’m always buying catnip!
Do you like audio books? I don’t listen to them - I like music in the car.
How do you feel about bands you may not have heard before? Or, how do you feel about mixed cds of classic stuff that you probably have heard? I love mix cd’s! I joined a cd swap a month ago and have found so many new songs and artist that I didn’t expect to like - I was so excited about all of my "new" finds from the help of friends.
Most obscure interest: I’m a boggle-playing freak - does that count? I play online - no one ever wants to play with me (hehe)
What goodies do you love that you can't usually get? I’ve fallen in love with some of the little Japanese candies - like the ones with the fizzy centers; I can’t find these locally. I also like the Cadbury bars that you can only get overseas - like the flake bars.
What was your favorite childhood toy? Matchbox cars and barbie dolls.
How would you describe yourself--do you feel that you're shy or outgoing, laidback, high-strung... and in what ways? I’m shy in awkward situations or in group situations - unless I know a lot of the people - and then I’m outgoing and more fun. I’m very laid-back about life in general, unless I’m very frustrated - everyone has a few buttons
What’s a talent you are most proud of? If it’s in a book, on the Internet, or in a case law database, I can find it ;) My researching and writing skills. I also love to apply make-up.
Religious preferences and patron saints/goddesses/spiritual mentors: I’m not associated formally with any religion.
What's your favorite flower? Tree? Gerber daisies - weeping willow.
Do you like homemade gifts? Like foodstuffs or crafts? Yes! Bring it on :) I love handmade items - and I love baked goods :)
What's your guilty pleasure? Perfume of course (grin) And, bath goodies! Chocolate occasionally.
If handmade stuff is okay, and it all goes horribly wrong, would you want it anyway? Sure. I wouldn’t want someone to have to do it over and over (hehe that sounds bad). I shipped a handmade bpal box with a sculpted anime figure and her poor head fell off - I just let my witchie know how to get it back on there ;)
Are you an indoor person or outdoor person? Indoor (I like to be outdoors more if it’s cold or snowing which rarely happens here unfortunately!)
What's your favorite color?
---For wearing? Black.
---For decorating? Black, White, Turquoise, Sky Blue, Lime Green - I can work with any primary color - I don’t really use "fall colors or fall versions of colors" (like dark green..yuck or brick red)
How would you describe your sense of humor? Hehe - silly and perverted!
Anything you really absolutely don't want to get? Like, something you could imagine would be seen as a good gift idea but is, in fact, not? Nothing comes to mind :) Someone I don’t know is making or getting me presents - you won’t hear me complaining!
Lip balm, yay or nay? Yay!
5 things that get you through the day: My pets, my friends and family, my computer (online forums/blogs, etc), smell-good things, and my belief that life is something to treasure and learn from all that I can no matter how I feel on a certain day. And, heating pads! Lots of heating pads (hehe)
Favorite Halloween Costume? I was a naughty school girl last year and a wicked fairy before that ;)

That is all...(hee!)

"Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight."

My mom is in the hospital. She never gets sick - never. She has pancreatitis from a gallstone that finally passed, very painfully, at 4 a.m. in the morning last night. She is out of town in a different state with her husband right now for his reunion. My mom has always been a "pleaser" - she puts other people's interests first always - and she shouldn't do this - she told her husband to go on to his reunion. And, what is more ironic, is that he did! Seriously - if my spouse or boyfriend was in the hospital in a state in which he or she knows no one - I would be right by that person's side - I wouldn't be going anywhere. This whole occurrence is scaring me to death, because my dad died in a hospital in another state. My mom is my best friend; I can't imagine losing her - I am so worried that I can't get my heart to stop racing. I just want to hug her and see her to make sure she is ok - really ok. She has to have her gallbladder out when she returns home. The earliest she can make it out of the hospital is tomorrow - they are trying to get the swelling down and get some solid food down to see if she has another attack. I used her e-mail address at her house to rally all of her friends - so that she would have an inbox and mailbox full of "get well" wishes when she returns home. My mom is a firm believer in positive thoughts, and the power of these in healing and changing people's attitudes and the world in general - so I asked everyone to think these thoughts for her:

Hi - This is Wendy - my mom is in the hospital - she had severe stomach pains while she was out of town - she is being treated for pancreatitis (due to gallbladder stones) - and will most likely have to schedule gallbladder surgery when she returns home. They may discharge her from the hospital tomorrow - but she has not been allowed to eat since she passed the last stone yet - I'm trying to get the news - b/c she'll never tell anyone for fear of making them worry - to anyone I can that can send her a card or get well e-mail and/or think positive thoughts for her at this time - as I am beside myself with worry - and my mom believes in the power of positive thoughts.

I'm hoping to have her mailbox full of get well wishes by the time she returns back or that week (she is planning to be home Monday or Tuesday)

If you could pass this on to other people that you know that would be concerned - it would be most appreciated as I do not have any way to contact them. I do not even know the name of the hospital and she can't accept a lot of phone calls right now - but most importantly - I just want positive thoughts headed in her direction mentally - so if everyone could please help!

Her address info is:

/snip

I talked to her today and she is talking fine and is not in anymore pain - and even told Clarence to go on to his reunion activities - you know how she is!

Thanks for your help,
Wendy

I'm trying so hard to think positive thoughts, but the evil thoughts keep rearing their little spikey heads.

I got my Switch Witch package today and it looked like someone had taken a foot and stepped on it - multiple things were broken. I am glad that I got it though - she sent me stickers, a bottle of bpal that smells like bubblegum, a notepad and pen, stationary, bpal imps, an adorable little floral tin, a pair of soft, fuzzy socks in pink and black stripes, and, best of all - a handmade (hand-painted) sign that reads: "Because I'm the Queen, that's why." That's what I like to tell people sarcastically when they are annoying me about why I said what I said or why I did what I did - especially if I don't feel that I should have to explain my particular choice. There were a couple of other handmade items that arrived broken and in pieces - but I'm glad that I got to open her package and see the thought that she had put into collecting items for me - even the colors of everything were dead-on to my tastes.