Bisexuality, high school, and insomnia.

I woke up with a cat practically in my face (god, that sounds really bad ), and the chances of me being able to get back to sleep are practically nil. I'm taking muscle relaxers for a pulled muscle, and they are either (1) giving me incredibly strange dreams or (2) making me remember incredibly strange dreams that I've had all along and just never knew it consciously. In my dream, my school was giving some type of award for pictures taken of its students. There was a picture of my face that showed up on the screen when they were giving awards that did not look like me - my face was drawn and suffering but still oddly interesting. I was given an award for $1000 in my dream for the picture, and it was mentioned that I was suffering from some type of cancer (which I am not suffering from in reality as far as I know) when this picture was snapped. Later in the presentation, a picture of me came up on the screen where I was kissing a woman. The award was taken away, and the assembly spokesperson stated that my award was withdrawn (I warned you that this was incredibly strange ). Of course, this is probably the part of the dream that I enjoyed the most where I got to go after the school for taking away my award based on a picture that had nothing to do with the picture that was to appear in the school commemortative photo book. I was filing a greviance and finding an attorney specific to this fact situation when I woke up. I also remember seeing some girl that I went to school with shaving her legs in front of a group of other women toward the end of the dream - I have *no* idea where this came from. When I did wake up, I remembered that I wasn't very nice to this girl in high school. I don't recall precisely why she annoyed me so much - just bits and pieces, but she really drove me crazy. She was only in one of my classes, my art class, and I remember her forgetting her art supplies all of the time and trying to borrow mine. And, I also can see her standing behind me a lot and asking me how I did something or just watching me - which really bugs me. I don't like to paint or write if someone is watching me - it completely halts any type of creative process that I have conjured up. There was a man (boy, then? laugh) that I was friendly with in my art class. I realized later that I had a crush on him, but I didn't realize that at the time. I know that I wasn't the only one that this girl bothered, because he used to stand behind her and pretend to maim her with various "pretend" weapons, like taking the pin out of grenade and throwing it or holding up a gun and killing her, to make me laugh. Maybe one day all of the reasons that she annoyed me will come to me. There was another girl, Amber, and this is the only other person that I can remember being rude to in school. This is only so unusual, because I was so quiet in school - in junior high and high school so most people thought I was a snob because I didn't talk very much. I actually was just very shy. I think I didn't like Amber, because she was always trying to get my best friend to like her more than me. (You don't realize how petty the things you worried about in school were until you get older.) She lied a lot trying to make people like her. She brought a picture to school one day of herself with a picture of a blur at a party. The person next to her was completely out of focus, and she said that was her boyfriend. She was obviously lying when probed about other details about him. I made some rude comment about which blur she was indentifying as her boyfriend. I've always had a problem with people that lie. Maybe it's just people that lie poorly. If she would have at least had a good lie. Now that I think back, I also accused her of pocketing an eyeshadow compact that I brought to school one day that my mom let me borrow that was pricey. She borrowed the compact, and I couldn't find it for months. I do feel guilty about this - I found it, years later, in an old purse. I was always switching purses around. I felt a slight twinge of guilt about that when I found it; I feel more guilty now. Maybe she really was just desperately trying to find friends - she didn't have very many.

I hate when people call you just when they are bored. I had a friend contact me today and then just drop the interaction - probably when he found something better to do. I hate when people don't talk to you for weeks and then contact you and ask *you* where you have been. I can't figure this out. Were you supposed to contact this person to show that person you've been thinking about him/her? (Assuming, you have) Is this some type of test that I keep failing? Or, are these people just typical selfish people that only want to talk to me when they have nothing better to do? I like people that want to talk to me when they are in good moods also. I don't like to just be sought out when someone is in a bad mood and needs to be cheered up or is bored out of his/her mind. Although, I have no problem with true friends calling me or trying to get ahold of me when that person needs to talk. In fact, that is the second person that has done the same thing to me this week. I tried one of two different reactions with each (I actually felt both reactions - annoyance and huh, weird, I wonder why this person is contacting me after weeks of non-interaction). Neither lent any insight into why the person was doing that. The first one - I responded and told him that he it just didn't seem like he was interested in me and pointed out that there are other people that are interested in talking to me. I had invited him over to watch a movie a few times, and he told me he was tired one night - not a problem - totally understood the feeling. And, then he didn't contact me the substitute night but called the morning after. He suggested a movie that he wanted to see in the *first* place. I hate playing these types of games. The other person - I just responded via text message from my phone and told him that I haven't been up to anything (...grin) and asked how he was doing. He responded once more, and then me, and then he just dropped it. So, this approach didn't work either. I don't think either approach worked, because neither of these people really care if I talk to them or not. I'm just one of those "last resort" people when you have absolutely nothing else to do. I like to tell myself it's just because those people miss talking to me when they try to quit I know, I know...but it makes me feel better. Perhaps, I've bored myself back to sleep now. I'll type quietly so I don't wake you up